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Saturday, February 13, 2010

Wicked Tired........Of Rude Ass People

Seriously! No, seriously? A day in the life...............

Preparing to walk into a building this morning, purse in one hand, briefcase in other, man in front of me........closes the door on me. I'm not saying he didn't hold it open for me here folks, no he actually closed the fucking door in my face! Which, somehow makes perfect sense to him when I point it out to him in the lobby when I see him staring at my legs while sitting across from me because he smiles up at my chest and says, "Sorry, was on my bluetooth. Would have gotten it for you if I hadn't been distracted." This was followed by a creepy grin, please god tell me this isn't his idea of some sort of pick up banter.*me gagging* "Bluetooth, as in, handsfree, like, still perfectly capable of holding doors open? Nice." FUCKSTICK!!!I turn and face opposite direction.

Approximately 3 hours later I walk into convenience store and find counter...........empty......no one to be found. "Hello?" .............................*crickets*................"Ummmm, hello." ......"be there in a minute" this comes from a room in the back, the voice sounding disconnected and pissed as hell that a customer is interrupting whatthefuckever it is that they were busy not doing. REALLY!! "Sure, no problem, I will just chill up here and fill my pockets with candy bars and beef jerky, take your sweet time." I say this sarcastically, hoping it will inspire snarky bitch in back to drag her ass to the counter so I can pay for my shit and go, instead, I get no response at all. At this point I am desperately wishing for one of two things, my youthful days, when I totally would have just pulled a "grab and go" or to not be in the middle of nowhere, so I could just go 1/2 a block up and go to a different convenience store. Instead, I have to wait for persnickety bitch, who finally drags her crackwhore 70 year old looking ass out to the front, then has the audacity (wait, can you have something you probably,natch, definitely, can't define???) to look at the bottle of water and say, "you could have just left the money for that, you didn't have to wait and make me rush up here." What. The Hell. "No problem, waiting was fun, I got lots of extras out of it and you don't seem to be too winded from all that rushing around." I flashed a ridiculously bitchy smile and out the door I went. FUCKING IMBECILE!!!!!!

Two and a half hours later, at the medical complex, getting ready to get off of the elevator, the door opens, I take one step and BOOM! Crazed, "Must get on the elevator immediately or will burst into flames woman" literally hits me in the fucking arm, chest and face all at once in her mad dash to enter the elevator before I exit. Guess What???? I was done. Had enough. First off, elevator etiquette is one of my pet peeves anyway. Plus, sorry bitch, wrong day to plow into me.
Snow and ice everywhere, idiots everywhere. Your poor elevator etiquette just kicked it!!

"What the hell? Michael Myers out there? Short of that, I have no idea why you just bum rushed this elevator and all but tackled me!" (at this point she hadn't even fucking apologized!) Just moved over into the elevator. Point to be made here, she was about three times my size, so I didn't strike an imposing figure to her I am sure. I leaned into the door so it wouldn't leave my floor, she looked up and said, "I'm going up, this one's going up" Ding ding ding!!! We have a live one.

"Ok, let me just give you a quick tip, since you have a whole lobby out here to stand in and this is just a little elevator, you wait for people exiting, then and only then, you get on it. What are you, socially disadvantaged?" Hindsight being 20/20, this was not the best person to get all stabbity with, what with my size disadvantage, spacial disadvantage and, well, what the fuck ever, I had heels and I am not afraid to use them, I was pissed. She was staring daggers through me, but I damn sure could outrun this bitch, in my heels. (for the record, staring daggers is a useless weapon, doesn't hurt at all, people use this method of weaponry on me all the time, I find it completely ineffective and it actually makes me sharpen my tools of trade on them)

"You're kidding me, right?" Apparently she wasn't as quick with dialogue as I am, either. Always disappointing.

"Not at all, one of these days your gonna meet up with a Dooney to the backside of your head for some shit like that." I flung my Dooney bag over my shoulder and walked into the lobby. I did kind of make sure she wasn't following me, but I was pretty sure I came off as just crazy enough that she would feel safer on the elevator. Fucktard!!

She was the last really annoying person I encountered today. But, I am pretty sure that was a Hat Trick of fucking complete idiots. Considering the fact that I am so sick of being cold, staring at snow, navigating ice in high heels,(because I can't wear a dress suit and Uggs, damnit) and stupid people, I think not actually staying on the elevator, removing my shoe and beginning to chase her in little bitty circles around the tiny elevator threatening her with the shoes heel until the elevator stopped, was really quite an impressive feat and you should all be very proud of me.

Damnit!! Now that I have typed that out and really gotten the mental image, I really wish I had gone with that instead. Fucking brilliant post that would have been. Do they let you blog from jail? Hmmm, give me a shout out if you ar reading this from JCDC! I would like to be certain I won't miss a day of blogging if I randomly attack some idiot fucking moron with one of my super awesome shoes! Thanks in advance.

Peace out homies. I am off to dream about........nope, not Jimmy Fallon......gonna dream about the love of my life tonight....cause I like to keep you peeps guessing........

5 comments:

secret agent woman said...

I don't think you get internet access in jail, so it's good it didn't go that way. But man, you had a hell of a day. I completely don't get that sort of rudeness - how hard is it to hold open a door, wait your turn getting off an elevator and so on. Fucktards is right. And surly clerks are the worst - they are getting PAID to pay attention to you.

Wicked Pen said...

i'm pretty sure blogging from jail is a negative, but just in case, the wifi password is 'detained'.

looks like you had a douche filled day.

:-)
-Pen

Phoenixism said...

I can see it now. ADJC ('Attack with a Deadly Jimmy Choo').

Don't know about blogging behind cells, but you will definitely have to kiss the chocolate vaginas bye bye.

Eternally Distracted said...

I don't care whether you chased her round the elavator or not... in my head, from now on you did - and all future posts will be coming from 'my jailbird friend' ;0)

Wicked Shawn said...

SA- It was the worst day I have had in a while, on a social interaction level. Not sure what the deal was yesterday. People here are often socially inept, but rarely outright rude.

Pen- Good to have the wifi password, just in case. :) Besides, I have friends.

Cold Shower- Yesterday it would have been attack with a Deadly Carlos Santana, he makes Wicked sweet shoes. The chocolate vaginas were sent to Jimmy Fallon, follow along man, damn. And if they won't let me do my internet shopping in jail, I would very quickly get to plead and prove the insanity defense. :)