Wicked Tired........Of Rude Ass People

Seriously! No, seriously? A day in the life...............

Preparing to walk into a building this morning, purse in one hand, briefcase in other, man in front of me........closes the door on me. I'm not saying he didn't hold it open for me here folks, no he actually closed the fucking door in my face! Which, somehow makes perfect sense to him when I point it out to him in the lobby when I see him staring at my legs while sitting across from me because he smiles up at my chest and says, "Sorry, was on my bluetooth. Would have gotten it for you if I hadn't been distracted." This was followed by a creepy grin, please god tell me this isn't his idea of some sort of pick up banter.*me gagging* "Bluetooth, as in, handsfree, like, still perfectly capable of holding doors open? Nice." FUCKSTICK!!!I turn and face opposite direction.

Approximately 3 hours later I walk into convenience store and find counter...........empty......no one to be found. "Hello?" .............................*crickets*................"Ummmm, hello." ......"be there in a minute" this comes from a room in the back, the voice sounding disconnected and pissed as hell that a customer is interrupting whatthefuckever it is that they were busy not doing. REALLY!! "Sure, no problem, I will just chill up here and fill my pockets with candy bars and beef jerky, take your sweet time." I say this sarcastically, hoping it will inspire snarky bitch in back to drag her ass to the counter so I can pay for my shit and go, instead, I get no response at all. At this point I am desperately wishing for one of two things, my youthful days, when I totally would have just pulled a "grab and go" or to not be in the middle of nowhere, so I could just go 1/2 a block up and go to a different convenience store. Instead, I have to wait for persnickety bitch, who finally drags her crackwhore 70 year old looking ass out to the front, then has the audacity (wait, can you have something you probably,natch, definitely, can't define???) to look at the bottle of water and say, "you could have just left the money for that, you didn't have to wait and make me rush up here." What. The Hell. "No problem, waiting was fun, I got lots of extras out of it and you don't seem to be too winded from all that rushing around." I flashed a ridiculously bitchy smile and out the door I went. FUCKING IMBECILE!!!!!!

Two and a half hours later, at the medical complex, getting ready to get off of the elevator, the door opens, I take one step and BOOM! Crazed, "Must get on the elevator immediately or will burst into flames woman" literally hits me in the fucking arm, chest and face all at once in her mad dash to enter the elevator before I exit. Guess What???? I was done. Had enough. First off, elevator etiquette is one of my pet peeves anyway. Plus, sorry bitch, wrong day to plow into me.
Snow and ice everywhere, idiots everywhere. Your poor elevator etiquette just kicked it!!

"What the hell? Michael Myers out there? Short of that, I have no idea why you just bum rushed this elevator and all but tackled me!" (at this point she hadn't even fucking apologized!) Just moved over into the elevator. Point to be made here, she was about three times my size, so I didn't strike an imposing figure to her I am sure. I leaned into the door so it wouldn't leave my floor, she looked up and said, "I'm going up, this one's going up" Ding ding ding!!! We have a live one.

"Ok, let me just give you a quick tip, since you have a whole lobby out here to stand in and this is just a little elevator, you wait for people exiting, then and only then, you get on it. What are you, socially disadvantaged?" Hindsight being 20/20, this was not the best person to get all stabbity with, what with my size disadvantage, spacial disadvantage and, well, what the fuck ever, I had heels and I am not afraid to use them, I was pissed. She was staring daggers through me, but I damn sure could outrun this bitch, in my heels. (for the record, staring daggers is a useless weapon, doesn't hurt at all, people use this method of weaponry on me all the time, I find it completely ineffective and it actually makes me sharpen my tools of trade on them)

"You're kidding me, right?" Apparently she wasn't as quick with dialogue as I am, either. Always disappointing.

"Not at all, one of these days your gonna meet up with a Dooney to the backside of your head for some shit like that." I flung my Dooney bag over my shoulder and walked into the lobby. I did kind of make sure she wasn't following me, but I was pretty sure I came off as just crazy enough that she would feel safer on the elevator. Fucktard!!

She was the last really annoying person I encountered today. But, I am pretty sure that was a Hat Trick of fucking complete idiots. Considering the fact that I am so sick of being cold, staring at snow, navigating ice in high heels,(because I can't wear a dress suit and Uggs, damnit) and stupid people, I think not actually staying on the elevator, removing my shoe and beginning to chase her in little bitty circles around the tiny elevator threatening her with the shoes heel until the elevator stopped, was really quite an impressive feat and you should all be very proud of me.

Damnit!! Now that I have typed that out and really gotten the mental image, I really wish I had gone with that instead. Fucking brilliant post that would have been. Do they let you blog from jail? Hmmm, give me a shout out if you ar reading this from JCDC! I would like to be certain I won't miss a day of blogging if I randomly attack some idiot fucking moron with one of my super awesome shoes! Thanks in advance.

Peace out homies. I am off to dream about........nope, not Jimmy Fallon......gonna dream about the love of my life tonight....cause I like to keep you peeps guessing........

The Little Things

It must be What The Fuck Tuesday!! As in What the Fuck were you thinking, asshat who called me and hung up.....twice in a row. I have caller id dipnuts!!! Then ask who I am when I call you back!! I would be the very same person you just hung up on twice dickweed. It went sort of like this.....click.

Why are you trying to run over me with your "I am too lazy to walk around Sam's Club so I'm in the cart on wheels" woman? Are you angry that I am not only able to navigate the whole warehouse by foot, but in heels? Without running out of breath even. Hell, dare me and give me a second to grab my Dooney, I will run circles around you and the wheels of slow death in my heels all over this bitch ass warehouse. But while I am trying to navigate this monolith with this cart of doom, stop backing into me, got it Sam's whore. Stop lustily staring at your 45 lb tub of cheesy poofs long enough to glance backward. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! If I have to rapidly pull this cart back out of your way one more time, it's going to end badly, not for me, no, I will be laughing my fucking ass off, probably sitting in the aisle, legs splayed out around me, while you cry out that you have whiplash. Essentially, you back that fucking thing up toward me one more time and I am ramming my cart full on into your ass, it will be a 100lb plastic package of cookie cleanup on aisle 74, cause your shit is going to go flying. Get it, got it, good!!!!

Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte, no whip. Grande please. No, no extra shot, thank you though. Ok, here you go. Wonderful, enjoy the nice weather. That was my side. Seems pleasant, normal exchange. Now, for his side.........it went, verbatim, like this:
Yeah? Extra shot.. $4.83 So, after I picked up my coffee, I stopped as he moved from one foot to the other, apparently this is what he makes the majority of his money for, flashed a big grin and said, "Hey, you know the difference in the real Starbucks and the ones like these, here inside the Barnes and Nobles?". "Huh?" was his dazzling response. " Your lame ass would have never gotten hired at a real Starbucks, they expect actual customer service." Now, one would expect, at least I would, to be called a bitch, whore, ass, something, after this comment, what does our Mr. CS comeback with........." You have no idea how bad this job sucks." I just shook my head and laughed as I left. Fucking pathetic, I would knock the hell out of my son if he ever acted like that about his job. Seriously, spoiled ass fucking brats. Slinging fucking coffee, must be really tough out there in the cruel world.

High school girls should have high heels embedded in their skulls, just as a warning to others. So, my daughter not in high school yet, but she is an excellent swimmer and has been accepted on the local high school swim team. Tonight we were at a swim meet. She swam a relay with 3 of the high school girls. Even though she set a personal record and swam an outstanding lap, she was swimming against a state finalist who is a senior and has competed nationally, I adore my daughter, but she isn't that good(what? I'm a parent, but I'm not fucking stupid). After the relay, my daughter walked over to talk to me and the love of my life, while we were talking I overhear 3 of the high school girls standing barely 3 feet away from my daughter talking shit about her, then, to make it worse, the one who had her back to my daughter, realizes she is standing there, says, hey, she's standing right there, only to have one of these other little bitches say, yeah, I know, I don't care. (okay, WARNING, I am about to talk about teenage girls in unbelievably foul and cruel terms because my mom instinct kicked into Kill Bill mode, so, if you will potentially get offended, skip to next paragraph) OHHHHH, WAIT!!! Important fact missing!!!! Their mothers were sitting right the fuck in front of me, heard every damn bit of this and did nothing to stop this! Who is the bigger fuckstick, whorebag, bitch in this case, I find myself wondering. These hateful little bitches who find it so simple to stand around in their little group and essentially pick on the girl is 3 years younger than them, or the cunt mothers who sit there, see and hear it happening and do nothing to stop it. Not one to watch my daughter take any chance of my daughter getting hurt, physically or emotionally, I firmly suggested it was time she went back to sit with her friends on the team. Then I went on a rant to love of my life, who had been heretofore oblivious to the "girl drama" *shock and awe* I very loudly announced that he needed to get me away from there because I had heard the girls and I was aware that the parents had sat by and done nothing to stop it. Did I mention that the schools principle was sitting directly to my left? LMAO Mortified, fake ass parents whose kids I just called out for picking on the younger girl. Fuckall, I hate that for you bitches, guess you should have reigned those little whores in before I had to call you out!!! After I finished, sans curse words, you're welcome Mr. Adams, I do have a great deal of respect for you, love of my life kindly removed me and my snakeskin heels from that seating area. They are fairly new and a really pretty shade of shimmery tan, blood would have surely ruined them.

After my daughter got home, she and I talked about it briefly, she had heard them. She told me that it is a pretty regular thing. They are the swim team's mean girls. I offered to let her wear my shoes to practice Thursday. She laughed when I told her what I had done, she said they really don't bother her at all but she took great pleasure in the fact that her kickass mom had called out the frumpy moms. Then, she said something that made What the Fuck Tuesday all feel ok. She told me that what a bunch of losers in high school said about her really didn't matter, because we had given her a chance to know who she was and she really likes herself. Look out world, if she is any indication, the next generation of wicked girls are going to make you shake in your fucking boots!