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Monday, February 15, 2010

Have You Ever Played I Never? I Shouldn't

I hate this game. I've played it on numerous occasions. It was a great game for me to play back when I was young and thought it was great to go from stone cold sober to passing out drunk in like ten minutes. Those days have been gone for a long time.

The rules are painfully simple, you sit around with your drinks, in a group, best be a group you know well, or a group you will never see again. I will warn you now, this is not a game to play with co-workers. Not unless you are a liar, in which case, YOU SUCK as a human being and shouldn't be allowed to play drinking games, ever. So, someone is chosen to begin randomly, they say, I never.....(insert a random sex act they have yet to try, this can be anything from bondage to public fellatio). Anyone in the group who has, must take a drink, no explanations are necessary, you simply take a drink. I will warn you, as you drink more, you will find yourself getting more and more irritated at the things people have never done. I have been known to burst into tirades that sound something like this: "Are you seriously trying to tell me you have never in your entire fucking life given head while a guy was driving, whatthefuckever, did we change the game to bullshit, cause I'm calling it!!" Yeah, I suck at this game.

Then we have Truth or Dare. This game just screams danger for me. I have avoided all situations involving truth or dare for years. There are so many reasons why, I can't even begin to explain all of them. But, the one particular night that stands out, well, let me break it down in the flashes that come to me.
Ex-boyfriend and his army buddy climbing fence at Fort Knox to run across major highway, MP's waiting at fence for them before their naked asses make it back over fence.
Army buddy's wife with timer standing over me and him, letting me know when 2 minutes are up.*ahem*
Ex-boyfriend and random never before or after seen redhead on sofa while I held her shirt and pants
Choosing truth to slow things down, only to have army buddy wife ask, knowing the damn answer, if I had ever cheated on (ex)boyfriend.......thus, confessing to roomful of people to having slept with someone else the weekend before , tyvfm, army buddy wife
So, yeah, I suck at that game!

Follow The Leader, someone says a word,(we are a bunch of pervs, so we always played sexual words only) the person immediately to their left says the first word that pops into their head. It's just a word association game. The key being, your word has to be associated to the one said by the person next to you, not the previous word, instinct is often to try to be prepared. Or, of course, people go blank. Both are deadly. Blank, you automatically drink. Get asked to explain the connection and fail to do so immediately, drink. Call someone out and they satisfactorily explain the connection, you drink. I am a fast thinker, I am good at this game.

So, what do you get from tonight's post. First of all, as if you didn't already know, I have, repeatedly. ;) Secondly, I shouldn't play games with people who haven't. I like to share my worldly knowledge of drinking games. So, if you haven't, you can, because I've given you the directions for a couple of great new party games.

10 comments:

Wicked Pen said...

are we playing now? let's do it!

not that i ever have...

:-)
-Pen

KeepingYouAwake said...

I have truth or dare Jenga, but I can't ever get anyone to play it with me. Probably because it's a weird combination of perversion and family games... Do you have video chat? I'll invite you (via video) to the next drinking party.

Phoenixism said...

I played Truth or Dare at work once upon a time with really dire consequences. And there was no booze involved. Unfortunately.

Aunt Juicebox said...

I've never played a real drinking game, unless you count being drunk first, and then playing darts or something equally dangerous. My BFF bought beer pong (yeah who needs an actual "game" I dunno) and we've meant to play it every time I've been to her house for like a year. But then she bought a pool table for her KITCHEN, and now we just do that.

Wicked Shawn said...

Pen- Life is what you make it, are you playing yet?

KYA- Finally, a worthy reason to hook up some video equipment...... ;)

Cold Shower- Truth or Dare AT work??? I'm forwarding my resume to you immediately, I suck at the game, but I would probably fit in with that corporate culture. :)

Aunt J- Beer POng, in my closet, never even been opened, just way too much work.

Wicked Shawn said...

Pen- Life is what you make it, are you playing yet?

KYA- Finally, a worthy reason to hook up some video equipment...... ;)

Cold Shower- Truth or Dare AT work??? I'm forwarding my resume to you immediately, I suck at the game, but I would probably fit in with that corporate culture. :)

Aunt J- Beer POng, in my closet, never even been opened, just way too much work.

Elly Lou said...

Shit. I thought I commented on this one but clearly I didn't. But YOU NEED TO KNOW. My mom tries to get us to play this game at damn near every family function. Not good. NOT GOOD.

Biscuit said...

"Army buddy's wife with timer standing over me and him, letting me know when 2 minutes are up.*ahem*"

*Has a sudden desire to play truth or dare*

Wicked Shawn said...

Elly- Oh WOW! That would be catastrophic! But, if at some point you give in, please video. Much love to you.

Biscuit- Welcome to the party, sweets. Enjoy the ride. Be warned, it occasionally gets racy around here......by occasionally, I mean, every other day ;)

Biscuit said...

*eyes widen with glee!*