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Monday, February 8, 2010

Wicked Girls.......Will Crush Your Soul

Him:Why do you seem irritated?
Me:Because I am.

That is the end of the conversation. This makes sense. See, had the conversation continued, someone would have gotten stabbed/shot/murdered/raped/attacked by lions/thrown from moving vehicle/eaten by a shark.

I hate people who don't know when enough is enough. If you push me too far I will hurt your feelings. I will usually sound the alarm first, or even flatly state, "I'm about to hurt your feelings" but for some, it just isn't enough. They need to go that one step beyond enough into......the great unknown.

Yes, sometimes you will crush a few souls on the road to Wickedness. Not just for kicks, mind you. It comes back to two simple social issues. People like to be lied to and they like to lie.

Example A: How does this look on me? Not flattering. This should be the end of the conversation, and questioner should immediately go change or decide that he/she is going to wear an unflattering garment out in public. But, it usually doesn't happen that way. Instead, it continues. What do you mean? I mean it doesn't suit you. (another fucking way of saying unflattering, just dumbing it down since it was apparently not grasped the first go round) I don't understand, what is it, exactly, that doesn't look okay about it? Look, you asked me how it looked, I told you, are you going to change or are we ready to leave? (This is said with aggression, always, and a good deal of malice, regardless of the relationship you have with the person in question, this shit gets old fast) Well, I don't know, I just really wish you would be specific about what it is that's wrong with it. No, you really don't, just make up your mind and let's get this over with so we can move on. (hear the alarm sound right there, "no, you really don't", they never seem to hear it) Yes, I do, just tell me. Okay, fine, that dress was designed with someone who is about a size 6 or smaller in mind and it makes your size 18 ass like like someone circled you with police tape what with all the yellow horizontal lines.

So either take the fucking thing off or let's go. For fuck's sake! Oh my god, I can't believe you just said that to me. (at this point, I can't believe I did either, because I really didn't mean to, but holy hell, I spent a good deal of time just trying to be nice about it. When you beg me not to be nice....well, careful what you fuckin' wish for)This situation was a dramatization, but you understand where I am going with this, right???

Example B:(These are the worst) I really feel like we are connecting on so many levels. *insert sound of crickets* *more crickets*

Wait, those crickets are doing it, or are those grasshoppers, either way, it's cute.
*yep, still crickets*
So, do you feel that way too? OKAY, stop right there. If he/she felt that way, you would have heard something other than crickets. Why the fuck are you asking for trouble?! Silence is the world's biggest indicator of a NO. Never ask follow up questions to silence. Also, never ask things like, "Do you think someday you might grow to love me?". Really, well, before you just made yourself sound like he saddest person on earth I might have considered being your friend, now I am rifling through my brain trying to find ways to get you away from me ASAP.

Example C:I am a merciless flirt(try to contain your shock and amazement). I love flirting, it is a power play. It is fun. It is also amusing to watch people's reactions. I play poker at a local casino. It is usually 80% men at the tables. I immediately chat up the women at the table so they don't hate me when I start flirting with the men. Then I start. I flirt with them all. Young, old and in between. The dealers love me because a loose table tips better. (not that kind of loose, assfucks, as in table having fun) Inevitably, I win. Guys think of poker as a "man's game", it is largely a game of luck, but you need to know percentages, pot odds and the other players. I spend a good deal of time talking to all of them so they assume I am not paying attention. Meanwhile, I watch every hand, who is buying pots, who is winning with weak hands and who has gotten caught bluffing, until I get something strong, then I rake big hands because they all call me. After all, I'm just the flirty girl who is fun and doesn't know what she is doing. I have even been known on numerous occasions to tell them when I go all in or one of them pushes all in on a hand I know I have them beat on, "Don't do it, I'm about to crush your soul." They just laugh and do it anyway. Right up until I turn my cards over. Then the dealers start laughing and push lots of chips to me. Poker is a game made for liars, honesty throws all of them off.

In life, it sometimes takes courage to ask a question. In life, it always takes courage to answer those questions with honesty. Wickedness isn't always easy, you may lose a weak friendship, you may lose a broken relationship. But life and all it has to offer is not built upon the weak and broken. The road to Wickedness is built upon the strong and longstanding. So be bold, cut your own trail. When asked the questions, answer honestly, when pressed, be true to the truth. At some point you will need a question answered yourself.......your damn sure going to hope you have surrounded yourself with honest people at that point in your life. Because as much as the truth may feel like it crushes your soul, a lie can rip your world to shreds.


secret agent woman said...

Hmm, see here I would go for honesty but gently. Like, "Well, it's not the most flattering thing I've seen you wear..." Although if it was a good friend, it might be helpful to hear why something doesn't look good for the next time they go shopping. Or maybe while shopping would be best. :)

Wicked Shawn said...

Right, as I said, that example was a dramatization, but I do have a couple of friends who seem to want to push the edge, gentle, is never enough, they insist they want you to be specific and push to the point of badgering, then pull the wounded card the moment you give them what they have asked for, it is frustrating. I have a new policy. I refuse to answer, simply stating, we both know you don't want an honest answer here.

Wicked Pen said...

secret- that answer is a bullshit fluff answer. you should be more honest. like, no, that doesn't look good, it makes you look fat, and you aren't.
see... the truth, AND a compliment to soften the blow.

i've discovered, being a brutally honest person myself, that the fluff doesn't cut the mustard. true some people get their little feelings hurt, but in the end, they are glad they got the truth.

if your friends aren't honest enough to tell you that your dress makes you look fat, then who the fuck is going to tell you the truth?

Shawn--- I CONCUR!!!!!!!!!!!!


Wicked Shawn said...

Pen- Don't think it's a bullshit fluff answer, just taking a different route.

I don't think most people are glad to get the truth, though. That's the whole point. Yeah, some of us really do want the truth, but too many eople ask, just hoping to hear, yeah, everything is great, you look fantastic, so they can keep their head buried and move along with the rest of the herd.

Jaime said...

I'm the same way. If you don't REALLY want to know what I think, it's best not to ask. I also have a warning policy: warn twice, then whatever happens after that I'm not responsible for. Your hurt feelings are yours to own at that point. Why can't everyone be so simple and experts on life like we are?

Anonymous said...

I love being honest and people love me for being honest... in an non-egotistical way of course ;0)

Maybe I should have substituted 'me' for 'people'... or not ;0)

Wicked Shawn said...

Jaime- Bite your tongue, if they were all this fantastic, who would I make fun of on Sundays?????

ED- I will be the people who love you for your honesty....damnit, pay attention, I lost you at people, didn't I? stop looking at the roses! ED, hey!!! Over here!!!Oh fuck it, I will tell you next time....

Phoenixism said...

Shawn, I love you with all my heart, I can't believe I met you. I am such a lucky man. I bet I love you way more than you love me. Right?

Wicked Shawn said...

Cold Shower- I love you like a fat kid loves cake! You're fucking delicious! ;)