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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Wicked Girls.......We Aren't Your Target Audience

Did you see The Bachelor last night? Do I still have eyes in my head? Then obviously, no one in my home turned on the show where 20 or more desperate fucking women flaunted their bodies on national television, each trying to sleep with the same man, spending a grand total of probably 2 hours with him, then sobbing and declaring their love for him as he picks them off one by one until he narrows it down to the one fortunate(?) enough to be his bride to be, maybe. That's entertainment. Or fucking not. Really, who the hell is watching this??!! No, really, if you, my readers, my beloveds, are watching this, speak up and tell me why, I beseech you. Do they give shoes away during the commercials???

Then we have Wife Swap. I actually have caught entire episodes of this. I admit, guiltily, my need to understand dysfunctional humans (aka hatred of them) pulled me into this show. Wives who insist on not cleaning their homes and letting their children eat entire bottles of ketchup for breakfast being sent into homes where they eat all organic foods and prepare the meals together as a family, running the household like a well oiled and overly structured machine. Everything to extremes. You never like any of them. They are all caricatures of real people. Idiots, extremists, damaging their children, adults who throw tantrums on national tv and in front of their children. All for what? That flash of fame? Moment of glory? Glory? Shoot me now if this is what our world has to look forward to going forward.

Our country saw a vice presidential candidate who just gave a speech using the phrase "hopey changey thing". You know what, Alaska isn't the only place they teach women how to hunt, dumbass. Keep making us look stupid. Every time that bitch opens her mouth our entire sex looks dumber. Why? Because some asshole on the RNC board realized McCain was old and ugly and thought she would balance it out. Fuck! Did nobody breed a relatively young, attractive republican woman with a functioning brain?? WTH??!! As for the note on her hand, whatthefuckever, it probably just said "don't wink at the camera, dipshit!"

Maybe I am being too harsh. Perhaps all of these people are very smart. It has long been a practice by some to pretend they are stupid. Maybe Ms. California really was a brilliant girl, she was just playing to the audience she expected to be watching a beauty pageant. Maybe Sarah Palin is very intelligent, she was just trying to play to the average Republican. (rim shot, sorry, couldn't resist! why do you guys still love me?) Maybe the girls on The Bachelor are very intelligent, smart enough to know they would never get on the show if they let it be known they were smarter than the creators, who are clearly not intelligent enough to come up with a story line, plot or script. Big kudos do go to the girl who was smart enough to just skip the manwhore (nothing but love for my manwhores, mind you) and just start sleeping with the host! As for the Wife Swap people, no, they really are just assholes and idiots bent on fucking up their children and I hate them all.

I have played the seductress. I have played innocent. I have played the naughty girl, oh wait, that one isn't so much of an act. I have taken on many roles in the dance between the sexes. One thing I have simply never been able to stomach is that of the stupid girl. I've seen it done, played to perfection. I have seen it reel guys in over and over again. Each time I sat back and looked at them with one thought clear in my mind. Never, not for one moment, would one of those men hold my interest for five minutes. Men who desire a stupid woman do so for simple reasons. Fear or lack of self esteem. I have a low tolerance for both in my men. I need a man who is neither afraid of me nor uncomfortable with himself. Stupid doesn't suit me. Not on me nor on my men.

But I do like fun. So, I am off to dream of Jimmy Fallon!


secret agent woman said...

You are not being overly harsh. It absolutely appalls me when women play dumb. (Although I think it is no act in Plain's case, nor int he cases of the women who go on shows like the bachelor.) And I also wouldn't want the sort of man who would want a stupid woman.

Paul said...

I've always wondered about shows like the Bachelor where women are really sharing a guy. That's like a guys dream right there and it doesn't even come out of his pocket! Wife swap, my favorite was when they swap this Christian lady and she started calling everyone gargoyles ... hilarious.

Elly Lou said...

I had a piece of cake for breakfast. It's not really relevant but I just thought I'd share. Sleep is overrated.

Phoenixism said...

Stupid girls (and even those who pretend to be) are boring as hell. BORING.

If I want that, I'll save the money and invest in a sex doll.

Intelligence = personality = defiance, doesn't that say it all!

Love the rage, Shawn. Feel it!

Miss Spoken said...

Are you kidding?! I am in LOVE with The Bachelor. Those girls are super smart, you can tell by how they accessorize. Duh. And Wife Swap is a thing of genius! Sending Christians to live in a house full of Santeria shrines is fucking brilliant.

Just kidding.

Sorry but I had some of Elly Lou's cake for breakfast and I don't know what that bitch put in it this time.

Athol Kay: Married Man Sex Life said...

What's funny is that if a guy has 20 girls lined up for him, that's the most awesome display of preselection. While the women are no doubt screened to ensure drama and folly, I suspect most of them are sucked into the set up whether they intended to play it cool or not. I mean tell your endocrine system that this is all for TV and just to ignore the other 19 chicks that want him. Harder than it may seem.

mepsipax said...

Great article...then Jimmy Fallon? Seriously...I hate those stupid ass reality shows.

Wicked Shawn said...

SA- I am fairly convinced Palin really is just an empty figurehead, as well.

Paul- Tell me a little more about your dreams. I am an excellent fiction writer. Maybe we will start doing "Bedtime Stories" and I will dedicate the first one to you.

Elly- Sleep? Oh, that thing I do between 3 and 6am. Yeah, overrated. Cake, also overrated. I had a cold shower for breakfast.

Cold Shower (hehe)- Let them eat cake! (as in, think what you will) Not at all surprised that you have a low tolerance for the insipid types.

Spoken- Ughhh! That wasn't the cake, you grabbed the brownies and you KNOW what's in the brownies. Damn girl, you will have gained five pounds by the end of the day. Good thing you're gifted.

Athol- Welcome to the lioness' den. Since these women come on this show with the eye on the prize, prize being snag a guy they haven't even met, how can he feel like anything other than a hooker. Being pimped out to all of these women. This is the ultimate in preselection?? Really?? In a strip club it's called demeaning yourself? Fascinating. He takes off his shirt. Emerges slowly from the water. Offers private time on the couch, one on one. Sounding familiar yet? Think it over and get back to me....

Wicked Pen said...

few things--
1. stupid girls piss me the fuck off. i want to go all stabtastic on their fucking heads.

2. those women who go on the bachelor. REALLY???? YOU DIRTY BITCH. how fucking desperate can you be? and then to pop off with "i love you".... REALLY???? you've known this useless fucktard for like what, 2 weeks???
no wonder they piss me off, THEY ARE STUPID.
even i'm not that desperate and i've dated some pretty shitty men.

3. there is nothing more unattractive and pathetic is a stupid, low self esteem having man. bleh. makes me about as stabtastic as stupid girls. men like this are USELESS PIECES OF FLESH!

have a nice day.

-Pen (angry Pen)

AAR Rachel said...

I HATE those girls. I makes me sad for the human race to see those shows. Pretty much all of reality TV is a gladiator show featuring incredibly stupid brain-damaged (but beautiful) pagan captives who think they can achieve their freedom through brief humiliation in the stadium. But the stadium always wins, babies. You will look like the stupid, back-stabbing, greedy, attention whores you are.

These women make all women look bad.