How I Found Myself In A Courtroom with No Panties Part II

Okay......when we left off, I had finished explaining to Idiot from the County Attorneys Office that yes, I would be there, but not at 3:30 and not to just load my mentally and physically unstable grandfather in my car for a "danger ride". Now for, as they say, the rest of the story.....

I arrive at the courthouse and go directly to the county attorney's office. I had placed a couple of calls en route, one of which was to the office of a friend of mine who is the former county attorney here, only to find that he was in court in another county. Snag! But then was able to find that another "free legal counsel" type was at the courthouse. (it pays to have friends, for me, not them :-) )

When I went in I was told that they were already in the hearing but not to be upset because while I was on my way they had worked everything out with a gentleman from Adult Protection Services, he had spoken with someone from the VA Hospital and they would transport my grandfather by ambulance from the jail to the psychiatric unit there, all that needed to be done was for the judge to dismiss the charges in the courtroom.

I was dubious. There were other words exchanged that are unnecessary to this story. I was unkind. Damn me and my temper with the insipid people of this beautiful world of ours, but hey, you know what, my fucking head still hurts, my day to day life isn't always peachy and somebody needs to get bitched at every now and then or else, well, I'm going to stab an innocent.

After this *ahem* necessary exchange, I leave the office and slip into the courtroom. I start to look around. I notice that the only people I know are the attorneys, the police officers, the courtroom workers and the judge. Then, I take a closer look. I am surrounded by miscreants. Like, of the real kind. Not just like, our kind of miscreants, no, these are the people who we could only aspire to dream of understanding the sad depths of darkness inside the minds of, kind of miscreants, I mean, my grandfather shot at people, let's be clear, these are not speeding ticket people I am chilling next to today.

Suddenly, I almost laughed out loud! It occurred to me that I, the self-proclaimed Queen of let's not judge people, was sitting here judging people in this court of law, WEARING NO PANTIES!!!

Then I took another couple of glances around. I would almost swear that I was the only person in the whole room not wearing panties, which just made it that much better. Then, as all of this is going through my head, the county attorney turns and motions for me to walk up to the front of the room to the table in front of the divider. I am now walking up there trying not to shout to the room, "Yeah, I'm sans panties and my grandfathers nuts, fuck you, what about it!!!???" I did control the urge, but Oh. My. God. It would have felt so good! Plus, I know about 6 of the 8 attorneys and all 5 of the police who were on court duty and trust me, they would have LOVED it!!!

So, that is the story of how I found myself in a courtroom with no panties.

P.S. No, they didn't have a fucking thing lined out when my grandfather was transported to the VA hospital, in fact, he had to be transported out of the VA hospital because, hey, guess what?? They don't have proof he is a veteran. Sheesh!!

P.P.S. I wore panties today when I went back up there to tell them they fucked up

Wicked Girls.......We Aren't Your Target Audience

Did you see The Bachelor last night? Do I still have eyes in my head? Then obviously, no one in my home turned on the show where 20 or more desperate fucking women flaunted their bodies on national television, each trying to sleep with the same man, spending a grand total of probably 2 hours with him, then sobbing and declaring their love for him as he picks them off one by one until he narrows it down to the one fortunate(?) enough to be his bride to be, maybe. That's entertainment. Or fucking not. Really, who the hell is watching this??!! No, really, if you, my readers, my beloveds, are watching this, speak up and tell me why, I beseech you. Do they give shoes away during the commercials???

Then we have Wife Swap. I actually have caught entire episodes of this. I admit, guiltily, my need to understand dysfunctional humans (aka hatred of them) pulled me into this show. Wives who insist on not cleaning their homes and letting their children eat entire bottles of ketchup for breakfast being sent into homes where they eat all organic foods and prepare the meals together as a family, running the household like a well oiled and overly structured machine. Everything to extremes. You never like any of them. They are all caricatures of real people. Idiots, extremists, damaging their children, adults who throw tantrums on national tv and in front of their children. All for what? That flash of fame? Moment of glory? Glory? Shoot me now if this is what our world has to look forward to going forward.

Our country saw a vice presidential candidate who just gave a speech using the phrase "hopey changey thing". You know what, Alaska isn't the only place they teach women how to hunt, dumbass. Keep making us look stupid. Every time that bitch opens her mouth our entire sex looks dumber. Why? Because some asshole on the RNC board realized McCain was old and ugly and thought she would balance it out. Fuck! Did nobody breed a relatively young, attractive republican woman with a functioning brain?? WTH??!! As for the note on her hand, whatthefuckever, it probably just said "don't wink at the camera, dipshit!"

Maybe I am being too harsh. Perhaps all of these people are very smart. It has long been a practice by some to pretend they are stupid. Maybe Ms. California really was a brilliant girl, she was just playing to the audience she expected to be watching a beauty pageant. Maybe Sarah Palin is very intelligent, she was just trying to play to the average Republican. (rim shot, sorry, couldn't resist! why do you guys still love me?) Maybe the girls on The Bachelor are very intelligent, smart enough to know they would never get on the show if they let it be known they were smarter than the creators, who are clearly not intelligent enough to come up with a story line, plot or script. Big kudos do go to the girl who was smart enough to just skip the manwhore (nothing but love for my manwhores, mind you) and just start sleeping with the host! As for the Wife Swap people, no, they really are just assholes and idiots bent on fucking up their children and I hate them all.

I have played the seductress. I have played innocent. I have played the naughty girl, oh wait, that one isn't so much of an act. I have taken on many roles in the dance between the sexes. One thing I have simply never been able to stomach is that of the stupid girl. I've seen it done, played to perfection. I have seen it reel guys in over and over again. Each time I sat back and looked at them with one thought clear in my mind. Never, not for one moment, would one of those men hold my interest for five minutes. Men who desire a stupid woman do so for simple reasons. Fear or lack of self esteem. I have a low tolerance for both in my men. I need a man who is neither afraid of me nor uncomfortable with himself. Stupid doesn't suit me. Not on me nor on my men.

But I do like fun. So, I am off to dream of Jimmy Fallon!