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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Little Things

It must be What The Fuck Tuesday!! As in What the Fuck were you thinking, asshat who called me and hung up.....twice in a row. I have caller id dipnuts!!! Then ask who I am when I call you back!! I would be the very same person you just hung up on twice dickweed. It went sort of like this.....click.

Why are you trying to run over me with your "I am too lazy to walk around Sam's Club so I'm in the cart on wheels" woman? Are you angry that I am not only able to navigate the whole warehouse by foot, but in heels? Without running out of breath even. Hell, dare me and give me a second to grab my Dooney, I will run circles around you and the wheels of slow death in my heels all over this bitch ass warehouse. But while I am trying to navigate this monolith with this cart of doom, stop backing into me, got it Sam's whore. Stop lustily staring at your 45 lb tub of cheesy poofs long enough to glance backward. Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! If I have to rapidly pull this cart back out of your way one more time, it's going to end badly, not for me, no, I will be laughing my fucking ass off, probably sitting in the aisle, legs splayed out around me, while you cry out that you have whiplash. Essentially, you back that fucking thing up toward me one more time and I am ramming my cart full on into your ass, it will be a 100lb plastic package of cookie cleanup on aisle 74, cause your shit is going to go flying. Get it, got it, good!!!!

Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte, no whip. Grande please. No, no extra shot, thank you though. Ok, here you go. Wonderful, enjoy the nice weather. That was my side. Seems pleasant, normal exchange. Now, for his side.........it went, verbatim, like this:
Yeah? Extra shot.. $4.83 So, after I picked up my coffee, I stopped as he moved from one foot to the other, apparently this is what he makes the majority of his money for, flashed a big grin and said, "Hey, you know the difference in the real Starbucks and the ones like these, here inside the Barnes and Nobles?". "Huh?" was his dazzling response. " Your lame ass would have never gotten hired at a real Starbucks, they expect actual customer service." Now, one would expect, at least I would, to be called a bitch, whore, ass, something, after this comment, what does our Mr. CS comeback with........." You have no idea how bad this job sucks." I just shook my head and laughed as I left. Fucking pathetic, I would knock the hell out of my son if he ever acted like that about his job. Seriously, spoiled ass fucking brats. Slinging fucking coffee, must be really tough out there in the cruel world.

High school girls should have high heels embedded in their skulls, just as a warning to others. So, my daughter not in high school yet, but she is an excellent swimmer and has been accepted on the local high school swim team. Tonight we were at a swim meet. She swam a relay with 3 of the high school girls. Even though she set a personal record and swam an outstanding lap, she was swimming against a state finalist who is a senior and has competed nationally, I adore my daughter, but she isn't that good(what? I'm a parent, but I'm not fucking stupid). After the relay, my daughter walked over to talk to me and the love of my life, while we were talking I overhear 3 of the high school girls standing barely 3 feet away from my daughter talking shit about her, then, to make it worse, the one who had her back to my daughter, realizes she is standing there, says, hey, she's standing right there, only to have one of these other little bitches say, yeah, I know, I don't care. (okay, WARNING, I am about to talk about teenage girls in unbelievably foul and cruel terms because my mom instinct kicked into Kill Bill mode, so, if you will potentially get offended, skip to next paragraph) OHHHHH, WAIT!!! Important fact missing!!!! Their mothers were sitting right the fuck in front of me, heard every damn bit of this and did nothing to stop this! Who is the bigger fuckstick, whorebag, bitch in this case, I find myself wondering. These hateful little bitches who find it so simple to stand around in their little group and essentially pick on the girl is 3 years younger than them, or the cunt mothers who sit there, see and hear it happening and do nothing to stop it. Not one to watch my daughter take any chance of my daughter getting hurt, physically or emotionally, I firmly suggested it was time she went back to sit with her friends on the team. Then I went on a rant to love of my life, who had been heretofore oblivious to the "girl drama" *shock and awe* I very loudly announced that he needed to get me away from there because I had heard the girls and I was aware that the parents had sat by and done nothing to stop it. Did I mention that the schools principle was sitting directly to my left? LMAO Mortified, fake ass parents whose kids I just called out for picking on the younger girl. Fuckall, I hate that for you bitches, guess you should have reigned those little whores in before I had to call you out!!! After I finished, sans curse words, you're welcome Mr. Adams, I do have a great deal of respect for you, love of my life kindly removed me and my snakeskin heels from that seating area. They are fairly new and a really pretty shade of shimmery tan, blood would have surely ruined them.

After my daughter got home, she and I talked about it briefly, she had heard them. She told me that it is a pretty regular thing. They are the swim team's mean girls. I offered to let her wear my shoes to practice Thursday. She laughed when I told her what I had done, she said they really don't bother her at all but she took great pleasure in the fact that her kickass mom had called out the frumpy moms. Then, she said something that made What the Fuck Tuesday all feel ok. She told me that what a bunch of losers in high school said about her really didn't matter, because we had given her a chance to know who she was and she really likes herself. Look out world, if she is any indication, the next generation of wicked girls are going to make you shake in your fucking boots!

1 comments:

Wicked Pen said...

awwwww... i love the baby wicked girl!
i would have loved to hear that rant. mine would have, of course, been WITH the cussing, because my brain/mouth filter, like our guest writer, is out of order.
oh... and FUCK SAMS CLUB.

:-)
-Pen