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Monday, January 18, 2010

Wicked Girls...........Getting Back Down to Business

Reroutered (clever, right, I know) and out of the dungeon, let's give this a real go tonight. Dispelling some old myths.

Myth one to be dispelled: Men don't marry/fall in love with girls who have sex with them on the first date. BULLSHIT!!! Somebody needs to call the love of my life and the 2 boyfriends I had before him who hung around swearing their love for me until I kicked them to the curb that fucked up shit, because apparently they missed that meeting. WHEN you sleep with a man has fuckall to do with how his feelings for you will develop, how you will connect emotionally, whether you will want to spend your lives together. First of all, in Louisville, most of the time, you have already slept with someone before the first date. Truth. Second, universally speaking, sex can be a determining factor in the connection, or more importantly, lack of connection, felt between people, why not weed out some impossibilities up front. I blame this entire myth on anti premarital sex ideals, keep your legs crossed or upstanding young men won't like you. Maybe the catch is that wicked girls don't want fine, upstanding men......

Myth two to be dispelled: Men want a lady on the street and a freak in the bed. There are some lame ass, weak fucking men out there who can't handle a freak in the bed. They fear that she will see their inadequacies, others fear they will be unable to please a woman of that stature for any sustained period of time. Likewise, there are some strong ass men who want their women to let their freak flag fly, all the time, in the bedroom, on the street, in the kitchen, you get the picture. Point is, this is not a universal thought, just because some men want and like to compartmentalize their respective partners, does not mean that it is accepted by all.

Myth three to be dispelled: Women don't like morning sex. Ok, really, let me just lay this out for you asshats. We don't like bad sex. We like good sex, end of story. Give us good sex and we like it whenever we can get it, unless we have 10 minutes to shower and get out the door, actually, even then, if it's good enough, we're willing to be late. We don't like 30 second, no foreplay, no orgasm, "sorry, were you in the room too" sex, fucktards. So, if that's all you have to offer in the mornings, then no, your girls probably don't like morning sex, but as for those of us fortunate enough to have talented partners, well, we like it anytime of the day or night, thank you very fucking much.

Fourth and Final Myth to be dispelled: Wicked girls are all talk and no action. I have a list of references, trust me, we can handle this one. ;)

In closing, the rules to a wicked sex life are simple, you decide. You decide when, you decide where, you decide who, you decide how. It's not as complicated as everyone has always tried to make it seem. It's just sex people. Fuck! (no pun intended) It's meant for pleasure, over thinking it until it's painful, not in a good pain, painful kind of way, is fucking ridiculous, go forth and fornicate. I highly encourage it! In fact, I insist. Do it in grocery store parking lots, in glass elevators, in pool halls, in bedrooms, in garages, whatever, just do it!!!! Be like the Michael Jordan's of fucking. It's the winter fucking Olympics and the USA is counting on you!! Go team, go!!


Wicked Pen said...



Paul Wynn said...

That Martha Stewart picture almost ruined it for me. I want to be a champ but no way would that picture let me obtain my goal.

Wicked Shawn said...

Not trying to ruin it for you, Paul. Even paid hommage to you (in a grocery store parking lot). ;)

Elly Lou said...

"go forth and fornicate"

If only I could find a glass elevator...

Wicked Shawn said...

Kaden Tower, just off 264 in Louisville, ummm, or so I've heard ;)