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Friday, January 15, 2010

Wicked Crazy.....

The entire nation tends to stereotype Kentuckians. Sometimes this pisses me the fuck off. Then I go shopping and someone pets me. You read that correctly, fucking pets me, no, I wasn't wearing fur, wasn't even wearing suede, damn Hollister hoodie of all things. I mean, don't get me wrong, it feels good and all, but pet-worthy, uh, no! Get your fucking hands off of me before I slit your fucking throat and leave your toothless ass to bleed out right here in the middle of this half ass discount shoe store. Thus, the reason I hate shopping for athletic shoes. *sigh*

But I digress, shocking as that may be. Yeah, stereotypes. Passing through Georgia once on our way back from a wonderful vacation in the Keys, we had stopped at a farmer's market. The oh so delightful guy inside who hadn't noticed the love of my life outside yet asked where I was from, I told him. Kentucky, he repeated (he was a quick one) "Home of pretty horses and fast women" were the next words out of his mouth. I actually laughed out loud. "That's a great pick-up line.......if you are planning to try and get laid by a horse sometime soon." Suddenly quick guy went silent, for the rest of the time we were there. Apparently my sense of humor and his didn't mesh. Hmmmmmmm.

Pregnant, barefoot, uneducated, uninformed, living in tents or trailers, dining at Kentucky Fried Chicken for really big celebrations. Of course, everyone wants to know if there is really gold in the vault at Fort Knox. No, but there are currently port-a-potties sitting in front of it. LOL

Obviously this is bullshit, the thing that pisses me off the most is that no one has told our local news media. Every time there is a natural disaster of any sort in the area, they find "crazy Betty" the toothless bitch who wanders the streets of town naked in the middle of the night and interview her. "Well, I seen thet thar turnader cummin, sos I jes hided under tha dummster tilz its wuz gun, thanks tha gud lawd it dint carryz me an tha garbage away, dounno wha i wudda et tuday."

Really???!!! You fucking news whore??!! You couldn't talk to the fuckin' mayor? Disaster services coordinator? Someone who has brushed their hair since the Y2K scare? I'm going to run into you in a restaurant one night and you are going to wonder why you got an extra glass of wine, sideways up your ass.......heads up bitch!!! Wicked fucking revenge. Stop making our entire state look like a bunch of backwoods idiots by doing that dumb shit, take an extra 10 minutes to do your fucking job!

Yes, they are out there, toss a rock and you will hit one, hey, guess what, toss another rock and you will hit a college graduate. Stop being so fucking lazy.

By the way, to those of you who I will be seeing this weekend, if you think it will be cute to pet me, I will cut your fucking hand off. That was some seriously creeper type shit!!!!!!


Wicked Pen said...

Since I am in town, I am stopping over. And... I am DEFINITELY petting you.


Horns420 said...

First I must thank Penny for putting this link on fb. I am amazed at how in character your quote from the "news whore" was written. I was compelled to read it aloud and test the perfectly misspelled words of her accent. I must admit I had misreckoned the humor involved. And, yes, I added that word because according to Webster "misreckon" is an actual word. Who knew?? It means to reckon incorrectly. Reckon is a real word, too?? You betcha. From the Greek "to consider or estimate". All this time I thought it was redneck slang. I feel a bit MORE educated now. LOL!!

Anonymous said...

Who pets people???!!!???

Wicked Pen said...

and you're welcome horns... you're welcome.