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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Summer of Wicked Enlightenment

How was your first sexual experience? Let me guess? Less than fantastic........? Well, this is my blog, as in all about me, so, back to me and mine was awful, really fucking awful. Like, OMG, did we just have sex?? kind of awful. Seriously, I didn't even know for sure that we had actually had sex. Come on, I was 14 years old. He was 21. We were kissing, then he was feeling me up, then there is a hand here, then a hand there, then a zipper slides here, then a hand slides there, then pants slide down a little, then some wiggling, then some more sliding, then some more sliding, wait a minute, why does that hurt so bad.......ok it stopped....why is he apologizing.....holy fuck.....did he just...OMG!!!! Yeah, that was my first sexual experience. Welcome to my most private moment. We are now officially BFF's. ;)

This was the sex I had for the first 6 years I was having sex. Hmmmmmmmm.... how ya think I felt about sex??? What's that? I can't hear you? Oh, ok, stunned silence. I understand. Well, let's just move on then.

Needless to say, once I was out of there, I was interested in what I read in Glamour. These things called orgasms and great sexual experiences. I was on a mission, determined, destiny was calling my name and I was ready to answer, hell I was screaming back, "Destiny, I'm coming bitch, and I've got stripper boots on!!!"

I set out my first summer of singledom with one goal, I had years to make up for and as I saw it, I onlyhad one summer to do it. I wanted to know what it was like to experience my own body, other people's bodies, learn to be unashamed (ex liked to enforce the no one else will have you, might as well face it theory of marraige). I had alot to do and I was giving myself one summer to do it.

I quickly built a network of friends around myself, male and female, friends who would be supportive of my cause, the males, who would be off limits and not to be slept with under any circumstances, would be confidants and protectors, the females would be cohorts and trusted advisors. Together we would conquer my goals, my fears and my deep seated psychological issues, no therapist needed. Wicked girls can often be their own therapist, we shall overcome ourselves with the right combination of friends, sex and tequila, not necessarily in that order.

My friends Jamie(guy) and Katie(girl) were by my side every step of the way, knowing EVERY detail, (poor Jamie) and loving me anyway, Katie maybe more because of it. I woke up with guys from bars, guys I went to high school with, my favorite was when I would get the hell out before I ever fell asleep. There was the night I hooked up with a guy on a car hood in the rain.......yeah, it was good...... there was the night that Jamie bet me a case of beer I couldn't get a guy who was notoriously shy (I am not a fan of beer but I LOVE a challenge). He bought the case, I got reallllllyyyyy laid. ;)

There was the night that one of our friends laid a $5 bill on the dash of the car and said "This goes to the first person who just randomly kisses somebody, gotta really kiss them and can't tell them why". Just about then a truck with two guys we knew drove by us, I said "Stop the car" So, Katie stopped, I got out, walked over to the guy driving, opened his door and kissed him, I mean, I kissed this poor guy. As soon as I stopped he smiles his best sexy little smile and said "What was that for?" I just grinned, winked, turned and walked back to the car. The 3 of us were laughing hysterically as we drove away. It takes a wicked girl to do something like that, the beauty being, the last time I saw him, he told me, with a big smile on his face, that he still remembers that evening I kissed him. Being wicked brightens other people's lives too, best I can tell.

At the end of the summer Katie and I did our best to make one of those infamous lists....the guys I have slept with lists. Of course, since I had married the only guy I had been with prior to that summer, mine included him and the summer's conquests. It was long. I was proud. It contained numerous descriptions (guy from Sparky's with black shirt). Some were Jason?. We laughed alot, agreed that the summer had been a success.

The summer of wicked enlightenment was a summer like no other. I learned to love myself. I learned that I could be myself, say what I really thought and felt and there would still be people who would love and accept me. I learned that I don't have to accept other people's judgements of me, just as important, I learned not to judge other people. I learned that people will talk about what I do, just as they made up stories about things I hadn't really done (which was sad, I was doing much more interesting things), I learned not to resent it, because I lead a more interesting life than most people. I don't resent that, I'm fucking grateful for it, poor bitches wish they led my life, stuck fantasizing about what I'm doing, let them talk!

Hear me on this aspiring wicked ones, for it is a most important lesson. Be as wicked as you wish to be, but always remember, wicked is vicious, fierce and roguish, but never judgemental, nor mean or spiteful. When you become any of those things, you have fallen from our ranks, become one of them. The spirit of wicked is playful. My wickedness grew from being judged by others, so respect others choices in their lives, whether they choose to be a mom and have a career or choose to stay at home. Choose to marry or remain single. Choose to have children or not have children. Choose to agree or disagree. Wicked is a matter of pride in self, in the decisions you have made. Pride in the life you lead. Pride in the people who stand beside you in life. Be wicked in your day, in this moment. To all of my friends, my loved ones, I am wicked proud that you walk with me...........and bitches we will walk on.......unless you show up in bad shoes......then your walking way the hell behind me.......... ;)