Room With a Wicked View

Why is it when you watch a porn video you see women with insanely large breasts and tiny waists, spindly legs, bare vaginas, lips that have usually been pumped full of collagen and nails entirely too long for anything other than, well, porn? But when you go to dinner with some friends and couples show up there are lots of normal women around the dining table. How did all these women, including yourself, ever land a guy? Clearly, these guys just settled for a pitiful substitute of their dream woman, right?

Every guy dreams of the porn star, right? She gives perfect blow jobs. She doesn't ask anyone to take out the trash. She touches herself at completely inappropriate times, which is a huge turn on. Obviously! She offers up her vagina and her ass to men and women indiscriminately. She is like a sexual toy who just leaks natural lubricant. What more could a guy want? Oh, and don't forget that she talks dirty, well, sort of. I mean, they aren't usually very convincing and they almost always look a little bored, but with those giant, perfectly shaped fake breasts, what man in his right mind is looking at her facial expression anyway?

Then, there is that perfectly shaped ass. Let's talk about that perfectly rounded porn star ass. Holy Hell, how badly would I love to have that perfect porn star ass. I mean, I have an ass. It's not giant, it's not tiny, but by no means is it that perfect porn star ass. Damn, to have THAT ass!! I am really beginning to think the only way to get that ass is to fuck for 12 hours a day. Don't get me wrong, I am willing to sacrifice and try that type of workout to attain that shape of ass. I envy that ass shape with everything in me.

But, back to my point, which is, how do the normal, or even slightly above average, but still below porn status, women of the world ever attain a man. Let's be honest, men in porn are sub standard almost as a standard. I've got 2 words for you to prove my point on this one. Ron Jeremy. What. The. Fuck. I wouldn't have done him with someone else's vagina. Come on now. But he got to fuck some of the hottest girl's alive at that time. As if! So, what gives. Men watch porn, women watch porn. Porn tells men that no matter how unattractive they are, ridiculously hot women will fuck them right and proper. How in the hell did they come to realize, at some point, that it wasn't true?

When do you think we showed them that this was a fallacy? That once again Hollywood was tricking them. Do they know it instinctively? Do they somehow believe the women with them are their own personal porn stars? Somehow I doubt that. I am curious about your thoughts on this one. Please do share!!

Wicked List of Things I Never Want To See Again.....

It's list time. Stop cheering. Calm down. I don't even know if I am that excited. Wow, I love that all of you get so enthusiastic. I really do. But, I just don't know how a girl is supposed to perform under this type of pressure. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm an exhibitionist at heart. I will be fine.

So, tonight/today's list is of thing's I never want to see again. So many ways one could go with this and you know me and my several different personalities, I am going to go all of them, well, maybe not all, but, yeah, most of them. Let's face it, I am diverse, my blogreading bitches. It's just how I roll. And roll we shall.....

Number 1 Thing I never want to see again: Ad for "Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Yes, you read that correctly. During an innocent *bats eyelashes to convince* search of blogs today and some various site engines and such, I clicked on the wrong thing, which then led me to click on another wrong thing, which then made me laugh, and well, okay, the next one I clicked on totally on purpose because it looked, well, funny but interesting, but then, there it was..."Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Still being a little weak in the stomach from the head injury, I didn't watch it, but can I just say, I don't ever even want to see that combination of words again. As if the words teen and porn don't bother me enough, let's throw in foot, okay, sorry. Let's go to number 2.

Number 2 Thing I never want to see again: A foot Yes, that's right. Any one's foot, I don't like feet. They gross me out completely. I hate feet in general. It might explain why I love shoes, or maybe it doesn't, I don't know. You know how people love baby's feet and kiss them and put them in their mouths? Yeah, so that makes me want to vomit. I said it. Not that I don't like babies, just that I don't like babies feet either. All feet are disgusting. If the sex is not really good and hot and I notice you just touched me with your foot, I just lost it, thanks, appreciate that, back to square one.

Number 3 Thing I never want to see again: Any movie ever made or that shall be made where a kid dies! Are you fucking kidding me?? At least give me a heads up on this stuff! Like something in the previews that says, "For you dipshits who haven't read the book and think these kids frolicking around look fun and carefree, one of them will DIE tragically" Whatthefuckever!! Bridge to Terabithia. Fuck. You. I despise you and all of the tears I, I mean my daughter, shed watching you. How dare you do that to me, err, my daughter? Moving on.

Number 4 Thing I never want to see again: The Informant starring Matt Damon What. The. Hell. Was. That.

Number 5 Thing I never want to see again: Naked Karaoke Remember this little treat from my trip to Nashville, where they lured us in with promises of naked karaoke but it was really just a sad little low rent strip club? Yeah, never want to see that again. I am all for going to the strip clubs with the group, but I really prefer to keep it on the high dollar end of town.

Number 6 Thing I never want to see again: That obese kid in the I Fuck On The First Date T-shirt It was mildly amusing, at best, the first time, then just sad, then it grew increasingly sadder until now, at which point it has become so depressing that everytime I see it I want to find the hole his mother lives in and beat the living shit out of her for letting her kid wear this shirt. Really??!! Of course the kid is smiling, he doesn't know any better, that shit is funny to a boy that age, he doesn't realize the whole world is laughing AT him, not WITH him. That is sort of what parents are for, to shield them from that sort of stuff. Epic fail!!

Number 7 Thing I never want to see again: People playing Texas Hold'em with their sunglasses upside down. Oh, don't you worry, not that I am anonymous here on my blog, but I have had this discussion face to face with Ed Hardy sporting bad boys at the poker tables too. One of whom felt that explaining the cost of said upside down sunglasses would somehow make him look like less of a douchebag. Not so, I pointed out, you merely look like a douche whose girlfriend wasted a lot of money. Know how to put an Ed Hardy sporting muscle bound Alpha male poker player on tilt and take all of his little chips away from him? *wicked grin* I do!

Number 8 Thing I never want to see again: The mullet as a popular hairstyle quite honestly, my head just isn't shaped quite right for it. Then there is the issue of the whole bang thing, I don't deal well with bangs. Plus, then men and women start looking alike. It's all very confusing to me. Please fashion god's, hear my pleas, don't do this, not again, never again.

Number 9 Thing I never want to see again: 5 hours worth of experimenting with a new art medium turn out to look like something one of my nieces could have done in 20 minutes. What. The. Fuck. Oh, before you other artsy peeps start doing the whole, that's what people said about...... No, trust me, it's shit, pure and utter shit. Laughable, really. So, I laughed, set it aside and will try again another day. But I reallyyyyyyy don't want to see that happen again. Gah!!

Number 10 Thing I never want to see again: A whole winter go by with no vacation from Kentucky I am a little spoiled. I don't like cold. Don't like (read, fucking hate, stabbity stab stab stab) snow, ice, cold rain. I am used to pampering with trips to Mexico and California in early February to get a break from this dreadful place. *deep, sad sigh* But not this year. No, this, our worst winter since, I don't know, my life fucking began (slight exaggeration possibly) I was stuck here. So no, I don't want to see that happen again. Ever.

There is tonight's list. Not sure how it reads. I will spellcheck and reread for coherency, but not changing content because I'm a rebel like that. ;-)

BTW, tomorrow is supposed to be the Q&A from formspring, so here's the deal, if you people, and you can ask anonymously, btw, don't ask me questions, then tomorrow I will post a blank page that says Wicked Wednesday's Question and Answers
Cause I give Good.........Answers. Don't test me people, I will do it. Now get thee to the top left corner and tap my box.

Wickedly Confused.........

That's right, confused. I am a fairly intelligent, probably above average, girl. I have common sense. I can follow in-depth conversations. I'm politically savvy. I can read, write, add, subtract, hell, I even know basic shapes. ;)

Today I was hit with one that caught me offguard, while talking to a friend, she suddenly announced that she had to go because her cybersex buddy had just logged on. Uhhhhh, hello, didn't you just, in essence, tell me you have to go masturbate??!! Mind you, I don't have a hang up about masturbation, but I rarely announce my intention to do so, nor do I require online assistance.

Upon further thought, this has left me puzzled on several levels. Cybersex buddy. How does that relationship develop? It is very modern, I would say. Hey, I don't want all the spam you get from porn sites, you don't want all the charges you have to pay, let's just help each other out here? Hmmmm. I like playing chess with you, you like playing chess with me, let's skype and pretend we're doing it?

What if you don't skype, just typing, aren't you risking pretend sex with a 90 year old man/woman, or worse, a 15 year old, well read boy/girl? OMG!!! I mean, really, I get the whole interactive porn aspect, I get the need for sexual stimulation, I'm all for it. I don't even mind knowing you do it. Just hoping I don't see you on the news because some 15 year old boys mom finally decided to look at his computer and found out he was having cybersex with a 30 something woman in another state, you cougar you. LOL

All so wickedly dangerous............