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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Wicked Girl, Living Really Loudly!

Seriously, when I think it over, I ignore all of the warnings.

I drive too fast. I smoke. I am not quietly acquiescent. I had reckless sex with multiple partners (which, while dangerous, was a helluva lot of fun and I highly recommend it, just not to my daughter *ahem*) I don't follow the rules. Yet, here I am, just typing away. Safe and sound. What the hell. Why does it work out that way? Good fortune? Fate? I don't think so. I think I have this figured out. Of course, I can't share it with you or I would curse myself and die tomorrow, hell, maybe later today, but, trust me when I say, if you have been living carefully and following all the rules, you're missing out.

My great grandfather had this friend, he out lived my grandfather by 30 years, to the ripe old age of 97. Died just 2 years ago. This guy was a medical miracle, or at least an anomaly. He ate the most disgusting stuff, like sausage and biscuits and eggs smothered in gravy for breakfast EVERY morning, while smoking a filterless cigarette!! He drank coffee all day, every day. That was his idea of drinking water. I'm not joking, he would actually tell his doctor, "Last time I checked, you make coffee with water." Before you wonder too long, no, he didn't die of cancer, nor heart disease or any other expected ailment, he was cutting wood in preparation for the winter and a piece of wood kicked back and hit him, he died from a head injury sustained at age 97, while cutting wood. Yes, make sure you eat right and don't smoke. It will kill you.

I was diagnosed with cancer at age 19. I had smoked 3 cigarettes at that time in my life and led a healthy, well behaved life. Went to church every Sunday and Wednesday and minded my (now ex)husband.(yeah, you heard me, but wtf, I was 19, you know the new me, go back and read the first few posts if you are confused). I led a "good" life. I behaved. Followed the rules. Yet I found myself fighting for my life. A life I hadn't even enjoyed. Literally, during that time I realized, I hadn't enjoyed any of my time on this earth, at this point, I promised myself that WHEN I finished kicking cancer's ass, I would change that. Thus the Wicked being you are slowly developing a mad crush on.

During lunch with a girlfriend yesterday she was saying that some friends were pressuring her to take a trip with them but she really wanted to stay home to spend some time with a new guy she is seeing. She was advised by one of the friends that she couldn't just sit around waiting for him. Uh, hold on a minute. I am never all about just sitting around waiting for a guy, however, I am all about making your own choices. Doing what you want to do. Also, knowing this friend, if she really felt she would have more fun going on this trip, her shit would already be packed. My advice to her, do what the fuck ever is going to make you happiest. Always. That is always my advice. I never tell people, make the wisest choice.

In life we have choices, after my fight to the death(cancer's death, tyvfm)I could have crawled into a corner, hidden from the world, lived a "safe" life. I could drive slower, not parasail, not gone up in that hot air balloon, not be determined to go skydiving, I could not dance on bars, not ride mechanical bulls, but you know what, fuck that! I love my life! I love being me. I talk to people every day who ask what I have been doing, ask if I am feeling okay, if I have had any seizures lately, they are genuinely concerned and then their eyes narrow with envy as I tell them what I have been doing. I want to be me forever, I don't ever want to be that person again, the one with eyes narrowed and envy in their heart.

Life is short for all of us, even 97 years will pass far too fast, live it, every second of it to the fullest, making your own choices. Look at every opportunity as if you will never have it again, because guess what? You won't. The next time you get to do it, your mindset will be different. Your position in life will be different. Your attitude about things will be different and the things and people around you will be different.

I will lay awake at night and plan out my adventures and think of fantastic Global Warming Initiatives, Jimmy Fallon and how to store water color paints until I can develop some sembence of skill in that medium. I am fine with that. Then, during everyone else's waking hours, I will live out loud!

PS I love you all just loads, so ask some questions, otherwise, I am going to give my mom my blog addy and let her ask tomorrow's questions, in which case, she will read through your comments and ask what kind of freaks you are, picking you apart one by one. She already dislikes me......don't force me to unleash her on you. formspring me. I'm warning you!! ;-)


Anonymous said...

Ace post, my sentiments exactamundo... what is the point of living if you don't? I totally agree, grab life my as many hands as you can muster and squeeze the fuck out of it :0)

Elly Lou said...

Ass slaps and fist bumps, grrrrl. That was brilliant.

Pennypenpen said...

been there, done some of that, will keep on doing it.

i will continue to be as wicked as i wanna be, and teach my son the same. he is my road trip buddy. we will live our lives, have adventures, and my precious son will experience things as a child that i did not get to. he's already ridden on an elephant, been to sesame place, been to an aquarium, the list goes on. hell, he's been on more vacations at 4 1/2 than i went on my whole childhood! i can't wait to take him to the ocean!

(guess one kid is plenty if i'm gonna go on all these adventures!)

thanks for reminding me to be wicked forever!


pattypunker said...

i have a raging mad crush on you now! (and your grandfather’s friend) i hope you live at a deafening volume for many years to come. awesome post and serious words to live by!

and way to kick that fucking cancer to the gutter!

Stephanie said...

Amen sister! Living in fear, in a carefully controlled "safe" life, isn't living - it's existing. Be silly, take risks, follow your dreams even if everyone says they're unrealistic. I doubt anyone looks back on their life and thinks - "gee I wish I hadn't had so much fun"...

Great post!

secret agent woman said...

I got the lecture of my life from my GYN for being reckless. And I thought, "Yeah, but which one of us is having more fun?"

Phoenixism said...

That's great Shawn.
You've bounced back, haven't you?

Not sure quite how to phrase this...but it's "good" this happened when you were young because it gave you a whole life to take advantage of from behind the wiser perspective.

I bounced back about 5 years ago (not from illness, but from very near death) and frankly, experiencing that perspective adjustment at 40 doesn't leave you with much time to work with.

Regardless, I make the most of my life each and every moment. The key is that I do what I want to do. That's freedom, isn't it?

Wicked Shawn said...

@ All of you- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!! It can be summed up in one word. PASSION! Live life with PASSION!