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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Wicked List of Things I Never Want To See Again.....

It's list time. Stop cheering. Calm down. I don't even know if I am that excited. Wow, I love that all of you get so enthusiastic. I really do. But, I just don't know how a girl is supposed to perform under this type of pressure. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm an exhibitionist at heart. I will be fine.

So, tonight/today's list is of thing's I never want to see again. So many ways one could go with this and you know me and my several different personalities, I am going to go all of them, well, maybe not all, but, yeah, most of them. Let's face it, I am diverse, my blogreading bitches. It's just how I roll. And roll we shall.....

Number 1 Thing I never want to see again: Ad for "Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Yes, you read that correctly. During an innocent *bats eyelashes to convince* search of blogs today and some various site engines and such, I clicked on the wrong thing, which then led me to click on another wrong thing, which then made me laugh, and well, okay, the next one I clicked on totally on purpose because it looked, well, funny but interesting, but then, there it was..."Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Still being a little weak in the stomach from the head injury, I didn't watch it, but can I just say, I don't ever even want to see that combination of words again. As if the words teen and porn don't bother me enough, let's throw in foot, okay, sorry. Let's go to number 2.

Number 2 Thing I never want to see again: A foot Yes, that's right. Any one's foot, I don't like feet. They gross me out completely. I hate feet in general. It might explain why I love shoes, or maybe it doesn't, I don't know. You know how people love baby's feet and kiss them and put them in their mouths? Yeah, so that makes me want to vomit. I said it. Not that I don't like babies, just that I don't like babies feet either. All feet are disgusting. If the sex is not really good and hot and I notice you just touched me with your foot, I just lost it, thanks, appreciate that, back to square one.

Number 3 Thing I never want to see again: Any movie ever made or that shall be made where a kid dies! Are you fucking kidding me?? At least give me a heads up on this stuff! Like something in the previews that says, "For you dipshits who haven't read the book and think these kids frolicking around look fun and carefree, one of them will DIE tragically" Whatthefuckever!! Bridge to Terabithia. Fuck. You. I despise you and all of the tears I, I mean my daughter, shed watching you. How dare you do that to me, err, my daughter? Moving on.

Number 4 Thing I never want to see again: The Informant starring Matt Damon What. The. Hell. Was. That.

Number 5 Thing I never want to see again: Naked Karaoke Remember this little treat from my trip to Nashville, where they lured us in with promises of naked karaoke but it was really just a sad little low rent strip club? Yeah, never want to see that again. I am all for going to the strip clubs with the group, but I really prefer to keep it on the high dollar end of town.

Number 6 Thing I never want to see again: That obese kid in the I Fuck On The First Date T-shirt It was mildly amusing, at best, the first time, then just sad, then it grew increasingly sadder until now, at which point it has become so depressing that everytime I see it I want to find the hole his mother lives in and beat the living shit out of her for letting her kid wear this shirt. Really??!! Of course the kid is smiling, he doesn't know any better, that shit is funny to a boy that age, he doesn't realize the whole world is laughing AT him, not WITH him. That is sort of what parents are for, to shield them from that sort of stuff. Epic fail!!

Number 7 Thing I never want to see again: People playing Texas Hold'em with their sunglasses upside down. Oh, don't you worry, not that I am anonymous here on my blog, but I have had this discussion face to face with Ed Hardy sporting bad boys at the poker tables too. One of whom felt that explaining the cost of said upside down sunglasses would somehow make him look like less of a douchebag. Not so, I pointed out, you merely look like a douche whose girlfriend wasted a lot of money. Know how to put an Ed Hardy sporting muscle bound Alpha male poker player on tilt and take all of his little chips away from him? *wicked grin* I do!

Number 8 Thing I never want to see again: The mullet as a popular hairstyle quite honestly, my head just isn't shaped quite right for it. Then there is the issue of the whole bang thing, I don't deal well with bangs. Plus, then men and women start looking alike. It's all very confusing to me. Please fashion god's, hear my pleas, don't do this, not again, never again.

Number 9 Thing I never want to see again: 5 hours worth of experimenting with a new art medium turn out to look like something one of my nieces could have done in 20 minutes. What. The. Fuck. Oh, before you other artsy peeps start doing the whole, that's what people said about...... No, trust me, it's shit, pure and utter shit. Laughable, really. So, I laughed, set it aside and will try again another day. But I reallyyyyyyy don't want to see that happen again. Gah!!

Number 10 Thing I never want to see again: A whole winter go by with no vacation from Kentucky I am a little spoiled. I don't like cold. Don't like (read, fucking hate, stabbity stab stab stab) snow, ice, cold rain. I am used to pampering with trips to Mexico and California in early February to get a break from this dreadful place. *deep, sad sigh* But not this year. No, this, our worst winter since, I don't know, my life fucking began (slight exaggeration possibly) I was stuck here. So no, I don't want to see that happen again. Ever.

There is tonight's list. Not sure how it reads. I will spellcheck and reread for coherency, but not changing content because I'm a rebel like that. ;-)

BTW, tomorrow is supposed to be the Q&A from formspring, so here's the deal, if you people, and you can ask anonymously, btw, don't ask me questions, then tomorrow I will post a blank page that says Wicked Wednesday's Question and Answers
Cause I give Good.........Answers. Don't test me people, I will do it. Now get thee to the top left corner and tap my box.


Pennypenpen said...

i'm pretty sure... i concur.

well, except for the feet thing. my son has the most perfect feet ever to walk the earth. i shall kiss them as long as he's little and cute enough for me to do so without it looking like some weird incestuous act that will land me in jail where i have to wear that horrible orange jumpsuit and god forsaken ugly orange flip-flop things again.

oh---and you are right. your head is NOT shaped right for sporting a sexy mullet.


järnebrand said...

Wow. I just found your blog via Eternally Distracted, and I love it! And this was a good list...! :)
Wicked. :) /Jo.

Unknown said...

Really - that kid with the "I FUCK ON THE FIRST DATE" shirt has been around WAY too long. He's got to be, like, 30 by now right? That's if he hasn't killed himself.

Well that was sad as shit.

Anyway, you'd think with peopleofwalmart.com we'd have plenty more to make fun of.

Phoenixism said...

Sunglasses, caps, belts...anything that is worn differently from how it was designed is instantly douche.

I thought The Informant started fine...it wasn't until the latter part of the movie that it lost my attention.

How's that noggin?

Wicked Shawn said...

Pen- I love him, but not his feet....ickkkk

Jo- Welcome to my Wicked Playground, so glad you enjoyed, ED is one of my faves!! I will make a point of stopping in and checking you out, as well. :)

KYA- Nice, suicide talk in the morning, I just spit coffee all over the place. Love it!!!

Cold Shower- Agree, now if only my son would stop turning his fucking head sideways when he puts his hat on. ;-) j/k He's too sexy for hats, much like his mother, don't you know.

Informant lost me about 20 minutes in. Gah.

Non-conformist as you might like to be, I will not answer the simplest of your questions outside the formspring box, I am onto you. You never asked me a question until I started pimping my formspring format. ;-)

Elly Lou said...

I never wanna see Susan Boyle sing again. Ever.

Lizzy said...

I hate feet too and hate people touching mine

btw we took stuff

Anonymous said...

i kinda like feet and toes (adult male toes). but not in a freak fetishy way.

i never ever want to see a movie where a child dies either.

and i never ever ever want to see that rape scene in the movie deliverance (really old like me) where the guy makes his victim "squeal like a pig". that scarred me for life.

Unknown said...

Wicked Shawn, Loved this posting, I was crying laughing because I was totally seeing your facial expressions while I was reading... I know another thing that I NEVER want to see again, (which I won't) but a damn email from Paula H!!!!!!! I know you know what I'm talking about... haha!!

Wicked Shawn said...

Elly- You had me at "I never wanna see Susan Boyle" ;-)

Lizzy and Elle- I will gladly pay people to touch mine, it's their problem then.

Patty- Eew, just eew
and I have never seen Deliverance, but I do make some really amusing jokes about it. How hypocritical of me. Damn, now I have to watch the movie. Squeals like a pig?? Okay, at least I have something to look forward to??

Sandra- *gushing* Welcome to my Wicked little playhouse. Oh, those emails! This fucking account that no one ever knew they had should have been closed two weeks ago. Speaking of feet.....What.The.Hell.Was.Up.With.Her.Toenails. Ick! Gag! Ahhhh, the good old days. ;-)

secret agent woman said...

The first one turned my stomach a bit, but I bet you get some hits from it.

Don't ever rent "The Changeling." It was a really good movie but there are the sort of kid deaths in it that will haunt you.

But seriously, feet? I mean, I don't understand foot fetishes, but I guess I'm neutral on feet. And baby feet are just adorable.