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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Multi-Tasking Is A Pain In The Ass...And Happy St Fucking Patrick's Day

Being a modern woman pretty much wears me the fuck out sometimes. Can I just cook and clean for like, a week? Wear some heels and pearls and have dinner ready? Without doing the whole kids running 14 places and blogging and classes and taking care of my grandfather and did people get cancer in the day of the Cleavers? By the way, who nicknames their son after their vagina? WTF?? Isn't that a little strange? Just sayin.

Oh yeah, Happy St. Patrick's Day.

I can't decide if I want a personal assistant or a maid. Really, both would be optimal. But, I'm trying to be reasonable. Well, reasonable might be overstating, but, more reasonable than usual, that's more like it. So, in an effort to be open, because some blog somewhere said bloggers are supposed to be naked,as in open about themselves(although I would way rather just sit here naked and make shit up, after all, I specialize in fiction writing) I hate cleaning, so I am leaning towards a maid. I love to cook, so she/he can just clean and do laundry, we have lots of laundry, like a ridiculous amount of fucking laundry. Between me, He Who Loves All Things Wicked, the 17 year old Narcissist, the 14 year old Drama Queen and the Irishman in the Basement, oh hell, I have never told you about the Irishman in the Basement, yeah, I have one of those. Doesn't everyone? Well, I do, no joke, it's not some sort of St Patrick's Day joke, I really do.

He's 18, he was a little bit homeless, similar to being a little bit pregnant or slightly dead, but more like kind of living in your truck because your prickish parents kicked you out of your house even though you were still in high school. So, we figured, hey, we have room, what the fuck, so, yeah, I have an Irishman in the Basement.

So, back to my predicament.......yeah, multi-tasking, taking care of everyone else, the house, the writing, the classes, the food, the friends. The thing is, it wouldn't be so bad, but inevitably, somebody feels the need at least once a week to express their feelings of disappointment that they aren't getting quite enough of my attention. Now, if this were one of my kids, I would be devastated, because obvs, they should get as much of my time and attention as they want, but NOOOOOO, it's not them, it's almost always somebody else. WTF??!!! You people are fucking adults!! Really!!??!! Take care of your fucking selves for a week or two.

Have I ever mentioned that I have insomnia, yeah, so for those of you not familiar with the concept, it pretty much means, no matter what time I lay myself down in my cozy little bed, I won't fall asleep until, oh, I don't know, 2am if I'm lucky. Have I also mentioned that He Who Loves All Things Wicked is on a totally fucked up rotation and we are getting up at 4:30am every day right now? Do the math....that's right, 2 1/2 hours of sleep, when I'm lucky. Some days, I do attempt to sneak in a nap, but, most of those days, people call me. Why do they call me, because of something earth shattering like, they are bored. Or, they want to know how to cook a turkey breast so it will stay juicy. But, because of my grandfather and my dad and because I have kids, I have to leave my fucking phone on. So, life is beautiful and I need Xanax maybe. Ya think??

Oh yeah, Happy St Patrick's Day.

It's also becoming increasingly difficult to stay up to date on the Healthcare Reform status, the NCAA brackets and my new favorite TV cartoon, Archer. See, I believe firmly and fully that it is ridiculous that we don't have a national healthcare system in place already and if we fail to pass one soon I may commit another partial murder. So it is important that I stay up on this situation.

My University of Kentucky Wildcats have finally employed a worthy coach and have a team of players who enjoy playing basketball again, thereby making it enjoyable to watch them play basketball again, so it is extremely important that I keep myself available to do this at every possible opportunity.

Archer is the raunchiest, funniest, naughtiest cartoon ever to hit broadcast tv, I couldn't ask for anything more. It is on FX and if you haven't seen it, you are missing out, watch it, you will be horrified and fascinated all at once. Just make sure there are no kids in the room! By no kids, I am talking no one under the age of, like, 21!! Yeah, it's that good!!!

Oh yeah, Happy Fucking St. Patrick's Day!

It's Wednesday, 5pm is the cutoff for this evening's Wicked Wednesday Q&A See you then!!


Pennypenpen said...

happy st fucking patrick's day to you too.


Still haven't caught Archer. Will TIVO that shit.


patty punker said...

i'm so with you on healthcare! i will join you in that kill. we'll go all natural born killers on anyone in congress who won't do the right thing. then they won't have to worry about being re-elected.

and yes, happy st fucking patrick's day. hope you can get some uninterrupted sleep.

Elly Lou said...

*Ahem* Duke. The end.

I think kids should always be named after vaginas.

Wicked Shawn said...

@Pen-Hellz yeah!

@Patty-Hello Pussy M-16?

@Elly-It's one thing to say Fuck on my site, I don't mind that, but to use such foul language as the D word, really??!! Pfff! :P

rapjack said...

insomnia a beautiful thing.....more waking hours to worry about those demanding your time....you'll have time to sleep when you're dead anyway

Wicked Shawn said...

@rapjack, who says I'm dying, I'm art vampire, we live forever, hadn't you heard....that's why I look all glowy and effer-fucking vescent all the time

Shrinky said...

Leapfroged over from Elly's. You do laundry? Sheesh, see that's where you're going wrong - my staff (kids and hubby) do all that shit for me. No wonder you can't sleep.

secret agent woman said...

Laundry I don't mind, cooking I love. But God, I'd love to have someone clean up for me.

Phoenixism said...

So yeah, how in the hell do you cook juicy turkey breast??

Ooops, I guess that's one for next week's Q&A, isn't it??

(Brace myself for the scolding)