Wicked List of Things I Never Want To See Again.....

It's list time. Stop cheering. Calm down. I don't even know if I am that excited. Wow, I love that all of you get so enthusiastic. I really do. But, I just don't know how a girl is supposed to perform under this type of pressure. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm an exhibitionist at heart. I will be fine.

So, tonight/today's list is of thing's I never want to see again. So many ways one could go with this and you know me and my several different personalities, I am going to go all of them, well, maybe not all, but, yeah, most of them. Let's face it, I am diverse, my blogreading bitches. It's just how I roll. And roll we shall.....

Number 1 Thing I never want to see again: Ad for "Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Yes, you read that correctly. During an innocent *bats eyelashes to convince* search of blogs today and some various site engines and such, I clicked on the wrong thing, which then led me to click on another wrong thing, which then made me laugh, and well, okay, the next one I clicked on totally on purpose because it looked, well, funny but interesting, but then, there it was..."Asian Teen Anal Foot Porn" Still being a little weak in the stomach from the head injury, I didn't watch it, but can I just say, I don't ever even want to see that combination of words again. As if the words teen and porn don't bother me enough, let's throw in foot, okay, sorry. Let's go to number 2.

Number 2 Thing I never want to see again: A foot Yes, that's right. Any one's foot, I don't like feet. They gross me out completely. I hate feet in general. It might explain why I love shoes, or maybe it doesn't, I don't know. You know how people love baby's feet and kiss them and put them in their mouths? Yeah, so that makes me want to vomit. I said it. Not that I don't like babies, just that I don't like babies feet either. All feet are disgusting. If the sex is not really good and hot and I notice you just touched me with your foot, I just lost it, thanks, appreciate that, back to square one.

Number 3 Thing I never want to see again: Any movie ever made or that shall be made where a kid dies! Are you fucking kidding me?? At least give me a heads up on this stuff! Like something in the previews that says, "For you dipshits who haven't read the book and think these kids frolicking around look fun and carefree, one of them will DIE tragically" Whatthefuckever!! Bridge to Terabithia. Fuck. You. I despise you and all of the tears I, I mean my daughter, shed watching you. How dare you do that to me, err, my daughter? Moving on.

Number 4 Thing I never want to see again: The Informant starring Matt Damon What. The. Hell. Was. That.

Number 5 Thing I never want to see again: Naked Karaoke Remember this little treat from my trip to Nashville, where they lured us in with promises of naked karaoke but it was really just a sad little low rent strip club? Yeah, never want to see that again. I am all for going to the strip clubs with the group, but I really prefer to keep it on the high dollar end of town.

Number 6 Thing I never want to see again: That obese kid in the I Fuck On The First Date T-shirt It was mildly amusing, at best, the first time, then just sad, then it grew increasingly sadder until now, at which point it has become so depressing that everytime I see it I want to find the hole his mother lives in and beat the living shit out of her for letting her kid wear this shirt. Really??!! Of course the kid is smiling, he doesn't know any better, that shit is funny to a boy that age, he doesn't realize the whole world is laughing AT him, not WITH him. That is sort of what parents are for, to shield them from that sort of stuff. Epic fail!!

Number 7 Thing I never want to see again: People playing Texas Hold'em with their sunglasses upside down. Oh, don't you worry, not that I am anonymous here on my blog, but I have had this discussion face to face with Ed Hardy sporting bad boys at the poker tables too. One of whom felt that explaining the cost of said upside down sunglasses would somehow make him look like less of a douchebag. Not so, I pointed out, you merely look like a douche whose girlfriend wasted a lot of money. Know how to put an Ed Hardy sporting muscle bound Alpha male poker player on tilt and take all of his little chips away from him? *wicked grin* I do!

Number 8 Thing I never want to see again: The mullet as a popular hairstyle quite honestly, my head just isn't shaped quite right for it. Then there is the issue of the whole bang thing, I don't deal well with bangs. Plus, then men and women start looking alike. It's all very confusing to me. Please fashion god's, hear my pleas, don't do this, not again, never again.

Number 9 Thing I never want to see again: 5 hours worth of experimenting with a new art medium turn out to look like something one of my nieces could have done in 20 minutes. What. The. Fuck. Oh, before you other artsy peeps start doing the whole, that's what people said about...... No, trust me, it's shit, pure and utter shit. Laughable, really. So, I laughed, set it aside and will try again another day. But I reallyyyyyyy don't want to see that happen again. Gah!!

Number 10 Thing I never want to see again: A whole winter go by with no vacation from Kentucky I am a little spoiled. I don't like cold. Don't like (read, fucking hate, stabbity stab stab stab) snow, ice, cold rain. I am used to pampering with trips to Mexico and California in early February to get a break from this dreadful place. *deep, sad sigh* But not this year. No, this, our worst winter since, I don't know, my life fucking began (slight exaggeration possibly) I was stuck here. So no, I don't want to see that happen again. Ever.

There is tonight's list. Not sure how it reads. I will spellcheck and reread for coherency, but not changing content because I'm a rebel like that. ;-)

BTW, tomorrow is supposed to be the Q&A from formspring, so here's the deal, if you people, and you can ask anonymously, btw, don't ask me questions, then tomorrow I will post a blank page that says Wicked Wednesday's Question and Answers
Cause I give Good.........Answers. Don't test me people, I will do it. Now get thee to the top left corner and tap my box.

Can You Draw Me A Picture, Please??

I have no idea where the hell tonight's post is going to take us. Just strap yourself in and come along for the ride. I decided to have this damn blog, right? I decided I would write something every fucking day? (why the fuck did I do that? Chalk it up to newbie status, idiotic moment, Shawn's cocky syndrome, whatthefuckever) But tonight was the first night that I truly had no clue what the hell I wanted to write about. Just Reece fucking Witherspoon Clueless here. So, I say to the three guys sitting at the table, write the first two words that come to your mind on this piece of paper. No matter what they are, just write them.

After they were finished, I had six words and one conclusion. Guys are (sorry for the generalization one intelligent man who reads my blog) dumb. Like, seriously, great to look at, handy to have around when you need something heavy moved or an itch scratched, but really, really not capable of performing on demand. I had just told them I had no subject matter for tonight's post. What should have been at the forefront of their tiny little shrunken brains? Blog topic. The following are the Hot Topic words I am now turning into tonight's post. Buckle up, I am about to go man bashing!!!

Word One: Fuck. Wow. Blow me over with a fucking feather. Sadly, this little nugget of deliciousness came from the one sad sack who does read this fucking thing I call my passion and life's work (okay, yeah, I'm exaggerating, but, it's my world in here, freedom of expression, yada, yada). Fuck, that's what you give me. Hello? I use that in every other fucking sentence without being prompted. I have to monitor the number of fucks I use in comments on other people's blogs. Wow again!! Thanks!!

Word two: No. Ok, fuck you. Now you are just being obstinate. I have a word for you, too. ASSHAT! This word just pisses me off. I hate this word. It's so negative. It is the embodiment of negativity. I defy you to make it sound positive. Oh wait, " There is no sign of STDs in your genital area." Ok, I just defeated myself. I am even better than me. Fuck no. How did I manage to outdo myself? Okay, guess I will let him stay here, he clearly isn't as dumb as I thought. :)

Word three: Shenanigans. Okay, while I love this word, (it makes me envision little drunk Irishmen running around knocking things over) HOW THE FUCK DOES IT FIT INTO A POST?? Especially since you have a piece of paper where you already see the words Fuck and No clearly listed above it. Shady bastards. Shady Bastard's Shenanigans. Now we are getting somewhere. It's like a band. Think Chumbawamba



Word Four: Andrew. Well, why the hell not. For the record, no, that is not the name of the guy who wrote it down. Which makes me think I need to sit down and let him know that if he needs to tell his friends and family something, I fully support him, no matter what. It's his life to live and he shouldn't try to conform to small town ideals if it means he is uncomfortable and feels like he isn't being true to himself. He shouldn't have to hide himself behind a parade of crazy ass girlfriends when clearly, what is really at the front of his mind, is a boy named Andrew. There you useless fuck! I hope your girlfriend's crazy ass reads this and spends the entire weekend that your precious Saints are playing in the Super Bowl badgering you about why you said Andrew instead of her name.

Word Five: Ouch. Ouch? Oh, you are going to think ouch. I am going to beat the fuck out of you useless fucks. I write everyday. It makes sense that I would have a hard time stringing together 100's of words day after day. You have no fucking excuse. Two words that I can work with. All I ask. Is this an, "Ouch, trying to think of two word makes my empty fucking head hurt."? Ouch! Ouch, mom is going to beat my ass for inviting five girls to meet me and the other boys at the bowling alley and just now 'remembering' to tell her about it tonight. Oh yeah, I guess ouch does make sense from this one. My bad. Moving on.

Word Six: Cold. Cold! Fucking stellar. Cold!! It's Cold, I hate cold. I love my son. Ouch made sense, cold I hate and I love writing about things I hate. We are in the midst of another blue ball weather job as we speak. You know, where mother nature gets us all worked up, sucks us in, blows through, then moves on leaving us straight up and stuck with nowhere to go but a freezing shower and touching ourselves.(I realize this is a male reference, however, there is no appropriate female response, I guess I could say hard nippled, but it is merely not harsh enough to describe the pain and hatred here) Bitch.

So, there it is, tonight's post. For all of our sakes, i sure as fuck hope N9nuh, the dog I am taking care of, does something really fucking interesting tomorrow, otherwise, I may have to wander the neighborhood (egads, that could get ugly) or rifle through my memory to get something good for you. Believe me, my sordid past could provide us with enough posts to keep us busy for the rest of the year.

Good times.....for the most part.
Bye for now.