You Might Be A Hoebag If............

We are gonna break it down on the real simple for you slow girls today. First let's make it clear, there is nothing wrong with having your fun. There is nothing wrong, in my opinion, and no, it is not fucking humble, with having multiple partners. As long as it is by choice, for fun and not reassurance of your own worth and done safely. With that said, there is a difference in that lifestyle choice and just plain out being a hoebag. So, let's get to business.

#1Sign You Are A Hoebag Your name is Rielle Hunter

Okay, you slept with a married Senator, no biggie, I (didn't)sleep with a Senate hopeful. You had a baby with him, you let his supporters put you up in nice homes, bleeding them dry and living off of them, living with Andrew Young AND his wife, pretending Mr Young was yo baby daddy, until it better suited you to tell the truth. You may or may not have video taped yourself doing the dirty with Sen. Edwards, without messing up that perfect hair of his, I'm sure. But none the less, all of this and now, today I find that, so as not to let me forget your past hoebag actions, you've posed suggestively with the former Senator's child's stuffed animals. Thank you. I am submitting your photo to urbandictionary.com to appear beside the word hoebag, cause honey, you fucking nailed it!!

#2 Sign That You Are A Hoebag You walk into a room on a Thursday during lent, people start to sniff the air around you then ask if it is already Friday. Yeah, I went there! Wash your vagina girl, nothing says hoebag like a smelly coochie.

#3 Sign You Might Be A Hoebag Baby daddy 1-Jail, Baby daddy 2-Whereabouts unknown, Baby daddy 3- Identity questionable, Baby daddy 4- Narrowed down to just 2, but it's a tough call since they are brothers. Yes girl, you are a hoebag!! Buy you a fake Chanel and hit the flea market to find those babies some Sketchers!

#4 Sign You Might Be A Hoebag The marching band at your high school spells out your name during their field performance, all in agreement, boys, girls and band instructor, that you were the single greatest influence on them during the year. Oh yeah, don't forget that one time at band camp......

#5 Sign You Might Be A Hoebag You have ever been shown a naked photo of yourself that you didn't know was taken, but clearly did pose for and enjoyed doing so, especially if said photo involved numerous other people engaged in sexual acts with you. It's one thing to decide to allow someone to take pix, another to just have that shit happening, that's hoebaggery at it's finest, congratulations!!

So, here is the sliding scale.....if you answered yes to number one, you are automatically a hoebag. Sorry, no return from that level.
Yes to any one of the others, possible recovery, with the exception of #3, I mean, assuming you have heard of things like Roe V. Wade and The Morning After Pill *sigh* nevermind.
Answer yes to two or more of the others, you are destined for a life of hoebagginess. Enjoy your hoebag lifestyle, it's not like you can't still love yourself and all of those around you. Just, ya' know, think about washing up a bit first. birth control is an option, too. Just sayin.

Anyway, it's Monday, Wicked Wednesday is just around the corner, hit me up with any questions you may have.

Wicked Girl, Living Really Loudly!

Seriously, when I think it over, I ignore all of the warnings.

I drive too fast. I smoke. I am not quietly acquiescent. I had reckless sex with multiple partners (which, while dangerous, was a helluva lot of fun and I highly recommend it, just not to my daughter *ahem*) I don't follow the rules. Yet, here I am, just typing away. Safe and sound. What the hell. Why does it work out that way? Good fortune? Fate? I don't think so. I think I have this figured out. Of course, I can't share it with you or I would curse myself and die tomorrow, hell, maybe later today, but, trust me when I say, if you have been living carefully and following all the rules, you're missing out.

My great grandfather had this friend, he out lived my grandfather by 30 years, to the ripe old age of 97. Died just 2 years ago. This guy was a medical miracle, or at least an anomaly. He ate the most disgusting stuff, like sausage and biscuits and eggs smothered in gravy for breakfast EVERY morning, while smoking a filterless cigarette!! He drank coffee all day, every day. That was his idea of drinking water. I'm not joking, he would actually tell his doctor, "Last time I checked, you make coffee with water." Before you wonder too long, no, he didn't die of cancer, nor heart disease or any other expected ailment, he was cutting wood in preparation for the winter and a piece of wood kicked back and hit him, he died from a head injury sustained at age 97, while cutting wood. Yes, make sure you eat right and don't smoke. It will kill you.

I was diagnosed with cancer at age 19. I had smoked 3 cigarettes at that time in my life and led a healthy, well behaved life. Went to church every Sunday and Wednesday and minded my (now ex)husband.(yeah, you heard me, but wtf, I was 19, you know the new me, go back and read the first few posts if you are confused). I led a "good" life. I behaved. Followed the rules. Yet I found myself fighting for my life. A life I hadn't even enjoyed. Literally, during that time I realized, I hadn't enjoyed any of my time on this earth, at this point, I promised myself that WHEN I finished kicking cancer's ass, I would change that. Thus the Wicked being you are slowly developing a mad crush on.

During lunch with a girlfriend yesterday she was saying that some friends were pressuring her to take a trip with them but she really wanted to stay home to spend some time with a new guy she is seeing. She was advised by one of the friends that she couldn't just sit around waiting for him. Uh, hold on a minute. I am never all about just sitting around waiting for a guy, however, I am all about making your own choices. Doing what you want to do. Also, knowing this friend, if she really felt she would have more fun going on this trip, her shit would already be packed. My advice to her, do what the fuck ever is going to make you happiest. Always. That is always my advice. I never tell people, make the wisest choice.


In life we have choices, after my fight to the death(cancer's death, tyvfm)I could have crawled into a corner, hidden from the world, lived a "safe" life. I could drive slower, not parasail, not gone up in that hot air balloon, not be determined to go skydiving, I could not dance on bars, not ride mechanical bulls, but you know what, fuck that! I love my life! I love being me. I talk to people every day who ask what I have been doing, ask if I am feeling okay, if I have had any seizures lately, they are genuinely concerned and then their eyes narrow with envy as I tell them what I have been doing. I want to be me forever, I don't ever want to be that person again, the one with eyes narrowed and envy in their heart.

Life is short for all of us, even 97 years will pass far too fast, live it, every second of it to the fullest, making your own choices. Look at every opportunity as if you will never have it again, because guess what? You won't. The next time you get to do it, your mindset will be different. Your position in life will be different. Your attitude about things will be different and the things and people around you will be different.

I will lay awake at night and plan out my adventures and think of fantastic Global Warming Initiatives, Jimmy Fallon and how to store water color paints until I can develop some sembence of skill in that medium. I am fine with that. Then, during everyone else's waking hours, I will live out loud!

PS I love you all just loads, so ask some questions, otherwise, I am going to give my mom my blog addy and let her ask tomorrow's questions, in which case, she will read through your comments and ask what kind of freaks you are, picking you apart one by one. She already dislikes me......don't force me to unleash her on you. formspring me. I'm warning you!! ;-)