Scandalous.......I Deny Everything

So the girls at Sex and Fries ( sexnfries.blogspot.com ) AKA Lizzy and Elle, are bored. We haven't had a truly good sex scandal since Tiger and let's face, even he wasn't really all that shocking or exciting for most of us. Really, an athlete was cheating on his model wife? *yawn* I mean, the guy walked around through life calling himself Tiger, for fuck's sake, who really didn't see this coming? Not one to just sit by and leave fellow bloggers in a lurch when I am in possession of a juicy tale of sex and intrigue, I offered to give them their fix. So, down the rabbit hole we go again.............

So, here I am at my 4:30am press conference.
(yeah, I held it from my living room sofa, it was early, you're lucky I got dressed...no, I take that back, you're not..but I digress)Note, I am really good at the "Don't ask me another dumbass question like that or I will have my gang friends kick you out of my press conference" face.

Anyway, I had to hold my press conference to deny the rumors that I, your very own, precious, sweet, innocent, Wicked Shawn have been carrying on a torrid love (by love I mean purely for the steamy hot sex) affair with one of the Democratic Senate candidates for the soon to be vacated Senate seat now held by Jim Bunning.
Not that I am sleeping with either of these gentlemen, but here is a peek at the two men I am not sleeping with, because I am a smart girl and I have met President Clinton and he did teach me something. (other than the fact that I am not able to maintain my cool in the presence of anyone no matter who it is). He taught me no matter what the evidence. DENY, deny, deny.

This is Senate candidate Jack, who I am not sleeping with, of course.

This is Dr. Daniel Mongiardo, who is a really nice guy, but, yeah, not my type. Ooops, have I given too much away?

Anyway, as I explained to the reporters. (well, okay, the reporter......okay, fine, the goth weather chick from the local NBC affiliate) I am denying the rumors.

I am not sexing up either of our hopeful soon to be Senators. We did not have sex on the Governor's desk while he was meeting with his new running mate and former Mayor for Life in Louisville. These rumors must stop.

Also, for the record, that was not a sex doll. I was merely showing a friend around the State Capitol after hours and she wasn't feeling well. I was dragging her lifeless body helping her up the steps and into the dark building where only Jack and the cleaning crews remained.

I also feel it needs to be stated that no, I would never find it acceptable to allow an incredibly smart, well intentioned, upwardly mobile, super hot politically active guy to proposition me quietly while we were standing in middle of a crowd. If he whispered in my ear, I am sure he was asking for a quiet location to place a call to his wife. You people are ridiculous.

Nor is it true that during my time on the road for a previous job with the circus did I perform bedroom acrobatics for free for said candidate. Also, it is important to note that any money that may or may not have exchanged hands NEVER came from any campaign funds.(at least, that's what I was told, I mean, if I had ever been in that situation, that's what I would have insisted on being told)

It is also worth pointing out that while it makes for great rumors, I am not even sure it is physically possible to place an internet predator list there, so I am DEFINITELY denying that!!! Don't get me wrong, that piece of legislation definitely made me hot, but, damn you people have some dirrrrty minds.

As for the insinuation that there was some sort of exchange around Valentine's Day of chocolate vaginas. Well, wrong J name. Sorry, Jack, hope it didn't hurt your feelings that I sent those to Jimmy.

***Absolutely everything in this post is bullshit! Oh wait, that would mean that my denials were bullshit, thereby making it seem that there had been an affair.

****Absolutely everything in this post is true!! Ummm, you know what I mean, like, none of these things ever happened. Including the press conference though. totally made that part up. But I really do look that bad at 4:30am. Sorry for subjecting everyone to that.